The Second Lead

Flashback to when I was just a kid, wishing for a Prince Charming to sweep me off of my feet. I just think it's really sad because now, 8 year old me would be so disappointed.

Moving on to my early high school days, I was kind of the bitter friend who believed I could make it in life on my own, that love is a stupid illusion, a trap. Who would've thought that I'd fall for someone earlier than expected?

It's 9th grade and we've been classmates for 3 years now, I'm really happy with my friends even though they'd built relationships of my own. Being a high school girl, it's kind of a given I'd have silly crushes and everything.

But everything went downhill from there, it's done, my best friend is officially the girlfriend of the boy I've been pining over for months. At first, I just shook it off, I mean who could blame her? I never told her about my crush, just kept it to myself like I normally would. 

And now it's the 10th grade and I've been with the same people in one room for about 4 years, we practically know each other's stories by now. 

I hate this so much. 

I cannot believe that my crush-who-is-still-my-best-friend's-boyfriend and I became closer to the point where he'd call me my best friend, offer his hanky when I cry, talk and sing songs to each other on the phone until midnight, just being there for each other.

I hate how this resembles some corny television drama and I hate how I can stupidly relate to Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me" so much.

But most of all I hate how much of a traitor I am to my best friend.

I tried to back off, and believe me I still am. I know I absolutely have no right to be jealous and feel hurt but it doesn't mean I don't. 

 Sometimes I'm content with just being his friend as long as I can pretend we're more than that. I'm okay with this being my first love, because at least these small moments of happiness are spent with him, I guess that compensates for the pain that fills my chest as I see them together.

But you know what? It's time to stop. You're worth bigger things than pining over some guy in high school. Your friendships are worth more than wishing for something you know you can't have.

You're still growing up so don't take things like love so seriously yet, the time will come on it's own. For now just enjoy your moments with the people you care about (your friends and family), hit them up sometimes and just let them know you love them and you wish them the best.

But never beat yourself up thinking you wasted your youth on a stupid boy.

I'm young (fifteen) but I know enough to understand that things like these happen. It's normal, unrequited love is normal. Maybe the second lead doesn't get the guy, but fuck that (excuse my profanity), I'm the heroine of my own story, thank you very much.