The odd part about this day is that I felt so stupid. Stupid enough to expect that she'd love me back the way I loved her. Expectation is a bitch. I cooked my own pain. Now I am eating it bare-handed.
I thought that I could still make things work, for us. I thought that if I could try to be more compassionate and understanding she'd appreciate me a little bit better.I thought that if I try a little bit harder, we could still be okay. I am fool. Again.
This pain is excruciating. It saddens me more and more each day. It makes me cry even if I don't feel like crying. It's like the tears are just willing to fall, for me.
I know that relationship is a two-way road. This can't be labelled as it is if you're the only thinking of it. If you're the only one exerting too much effort on it. If you're the only one showing affection and respect. Love has to be reciprocated.
What's hard about this game is that I am dancing with a pro. I am dancing with a demon. I am dancing with a heartless princess. I am doomed.
Behind those smiles are thousands of unspoken wars. Behind the facade of this perfect relationship that she's making are thousands of unbaked laughters. Those rotten sweetness and sugarcoated lies.
I am trying my best to play my part. I am trying to act like I am loving it. I am a slave of my own emotions. Why ? Because I love her. Because love is a poison and I am a willing victim. Because love can kill me yet I am willing to die for it. Because even if it gets harder and harder each day , I am still hoping for that once in a lifetime silverlining.
I thought that if I push myself a little bit harder then I could get something from it. That even if in the end I am still a loser then I could not have any regrets. That I didn't do all the things that I could. I know I am so fucked up but yes, this is love.
This is love.