Thoughtless Ghost

A Screenplay by archita kumar

EXT. A BOOK SHOP - AFTERNOON

Intuitive actor MS SOPHIA ZEUS is arguing with remarkable doctor DR ANDREW ENGLAND. SOPHIA tries to hug ANDREW but he shakes her off.

SOPHIA
Please Andrew, don't leave me.

ANDREW
I'm sorry Sophia, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.

SOPHIA
I am such a person!

ANDREW frowns.

ANDREW
I'm sorry, Sophia. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

ANDREW leaves.

SOPHIA sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, adorable author DCI JAMES RAYMOND barges in looking flustered.

SOPHIA
Goodness, James! Is everything okay?

JAMES
I'm afraid not.

SOPHIA
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

JAMES
It's ... a ghost ... I saw an evil ghost hurt a bunch of children!

SOPHIA
Defenseless children?

JAMES
Yes, defenseless children!

SOPHIA
Bloomin' heck, James! We've got to do something.

JAMES
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

SOPHIA
You can start by telling me where this happened.

JAMES
I was...

JAMES fans himself and begins to wheeze.

SOPHIA
Focus James, focus! Where did it happen?

JAMES
Trafalgar Square, London! That's right - Trafalgar Square, London!

SOPHIA springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

SOPHIA rushes along the street, followed by JAMES. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

EXT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER

POLLY DONALDSON a thoughtless ghost terrorises two children.

SOPHIA, closely followed by JAMES, rushes towards POLLY, but suddenly stops in her tracks.

JAMES
What is is? What's the matter?

SOPHIA
That's not just any old ghost, that's Polly Donaldson!

JAMES
Who's Polly Donaldson?

SOPHIA
Who's Polly Donaldson? Who's Polly Donaldson? Only the most thoughtless ghost in the universe!

JAMES
Blinkin' knickers, Sophia! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most thoughtless ghost in the universe!

SOPHIA
You can say that again.

JAMES
Blinkin' knickers, Sophia! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most thoughtless ghost in the universe!

SOPHIA
I'm going to need swords, lots of swords.

Polly turns and sees Sophia and James. She grins an evil grin.

POLLY
Sophia Zeus, we meet again.

JAMES
You've met?

SOPHIA
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young SOPHIA is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.

She looks up and sees POLLY. She takes off her headphones.

POLLY
Would you like some barley sugar?

SOPHIA's eyes light up, but then he studies POLLY more closely, and looks uneasy.

SOPHIA
I don't know, you look kind of thoughtless.

POLLY
Me? No. I'm not thoughtless. I'm the least thoughtless ghost in the world.

SOPHIA
Wait, you're a ghost?

SOPHIA runs away, screaming.

EXT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE, LONDON - PRESENT DAY

POLLY
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

JAMES
(To SOPHIA) You ran away?

SOPHIA
(To JAMES) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

SOPHIA turns to POLLY.

SOPHIA
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

SOPHIA runs away.

She turns back and shouts.

SOPHIA
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with swords.

POLLY
I'm not scared of you.

SOPHIA
You should be.

INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - LATER THAT DAY

SOPHIA and JAMES walk around searching for something.

SOPHIA
I feel sure I left my swords somewhere around here.

JAMES
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly swords.

SOPHIA
You know nothing James Raymond.

JAMES
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, POLLY appears, holding a pair of swords.

POLLY
Looking for something?

JAMES
Crikey, Sophia, she's got your swords.

SOPHIA
Tell me something I don't already know!

JAMES
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

SOPHIA
I know that already!

JAMES
I still wear nappies.

POLLY
(appalled) Dude!

While POLLY is looking at JAMES with disgust, SOPHIA lunges forward and grabs her deadly swords. He wields them, triumphantly.

SOPHIA
Prepare to die, you thoughtless carrot!

POLLY
No please! All I did was hurt a bunch of children!

ANDREW enters, unseen by any of the others.

SOPHIA
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those children were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Sophia Zeus defender of innocent children.

POLLY
Don't hurt me! Please!

SOPHIA
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these swords on you right away!

POLLY
Because Sophia, I am your mother.

SOPHIA looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.

SOPHIA
No you're not!

POLLY
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

POLLY tries to grab the swords but SOPHIA dodges out of the way.

SOPHIA
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, POLLY slumps to the ground.

JAMES
Did she just faint?

SOPHIA
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly swords.

SOPHIA crouches over POLLY's body.

JAMES
Be careful, Sophia. It could be a trick.

SOPHIA
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Polly Donaldson is dead!

SOPHIA
What?

SOPHIA
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.

JAMES claps his hands.

JAMES
So your swords did save the day, after all.

ANDREW steps forward.

ANDREW
Is it true? Did you kill the thoughtless ghost?

SOPHIA
Andrew how long have you been...?

ANDREW puts his arm around SOPHIA.

ANDREW
Long enough.

SOPHIA
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Polly Donaldson.

ANDREW
Then the children are safe?

SOPHIA
It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable children enter, looking relived.

ANDREW
You are their hero.

The children bow to SOPHIA.

SOPHIA
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Polly Donaldson will never hurt children ever again, is enough for me.

ANDREW
You are humble as well as brave!

One of the children passes SOPHIA a gold pendant

ANDREW
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

SOPHIA
I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

SOPHIA
Well, if you insist.

SOPHIA takes the pendant.

SOPHIA
Thank you.

The children bow their heads once more, and leave.

SOPHIA turns to ANDREW.

SOPHIA
Does this mean you want me back?

ANDREW
Oh, Sophia, of course I want you back!

SOPHIA smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

SOPHIA
Well you can't have me.

ANDREW
WHAT?

SOPHIA
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a ghost to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

ANDREW
But...

SOPHIA
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, James.

JAMES grins.

ANDREW
But...

JAMES
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

ANDREW
Sophia?

SOPHIA
I'm sorry Andrew, but I think you should skidaddle.

ANDREW leaves.

JAMES turns to SOPHIA.

JAMES
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

SOPHIA
Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly JAMES stops.

JAMES
When I said I still wear nappies, you know I was just trying to distract the ghost don't you?

THE END

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