I sighed as I lay on my bed on Tuesday night. Feeling sore from that sex I've had three blocks away from my apartment.
Marking my calendar, I count. "Three more days, Rosy. Three more days."
I fell asleep as I imagine my life in a small town without anyone knowing my name.
Waking up around 4pm, I packed up the condoms and lube inside my bag. As I walked down the street I bought a red lingerie, a special request from the customer tonight.
After taking a quick look at the signs above me, I spotted the red sign from the hotel you've texted me.
For a brief moment, I was amused by how big a hotel can be and then I saw you.
"You look exactly the same, just a little more sad than usual." I whispered at the back of your ear.
You looked startled but you smiled.
"Hey, didn't notice you were already there. How are you?"
I felt the urge to laugh but didn't. "My customers don't ask me those kinds of questions, they just show me the room, fuck me, and give me the money."
"You deserve better."
"Shush, let's just get into it." I muttered.
Then, you held my hand and led me to your hotel room.
I started to undress and wear your request but then you said, "No, don't wear that."
It is confusing but I jokingly said "Don't waste my 50 dollars, mate. I just bought this because you said you want this type of clothing."
"I'll just pay for that. Just put on your clothes and rest. I'll prepare our dinner." you said as you walk towards the kitchen.
At that moment I knew you wouldn't touch me. You've always been this sweet and caring person back when we were together.
The silence grew longer than I expected, we've had dinner and drank wine.
We lay on the bed and at a split second, I thought about staying with you. I immediately erased that in my mind.
"Why did you suddenly become a prostitute? You're not like this." you whispered.
"Well, maybe I am like this after all." I chuckled.
"Stop it, Rosy. I know you. Why did you leave me? Do you still love me?"
"I already told you I'll leave this country for good. I don't love you anymore so stop it. Just finish this night. Fuck me, pay me, let me leave." I held back my tears, because I do. I still love you.
You got angry and threw a pile of cash on me. I started crying while picking them up, cause I hate this feeling. I hate that you look down on me and think of me as a whore. But I need to do this.
"Thank you."
"Fuck, Rosy. Just tell me what is going on. Why leave? I am here. Let's get back together." you shouted. Fine lines showing on your forehead.
I can't think straight. I love this man so much and this hurts like hell. This hurts more than my illness.
"I'm dying."
The words came out of my mouth. We're both shocked at what I've said. I suddenly want to run away. I'm not supposed to tell this to you.
I scrambled to pick up my things and put them inside my pouch. You just stood there, still dumbfounded by the news.
I left without a word and ran out of the room. I wish you just hated me so this wouldn't hurt more.
Walking down the road, I thought about my plan. Tomorrow, I'll pack my stuff and clean my apartment.
The next day, I'll fly to a country where no one knows me.
Where the ocean is just right outside the window.
Where the birds sing to me everyday.
Where my mind is calm and my heart is full.
Where no one would get hurt about me dying.
-
It's my last night now in New York and I still haven't received any message from you.
"Maybe this is better." I thought to myself.
"He gave up on me now that he knows it."
I slept on my bed, beside the boxes of the stuff I'll bring tomorrow with me.
I stared at my empty apartment remembering the moments I've had inside these four corners.
The next thing I knew, I'm going out of the cab and walking into the airport.
I don't know why but I'm hoping I'll see you. Maybe try to stop me.
But no, I'm already walking through the aisle of the plane. I sat down and closed my eyes. I just want to sleep this pain away.
"You really are a sleepyhead, dummy."
I know that voice, I'll recognize that voice anywhere.
"Why are you here?"
"If you don't want to stay in this country, then I'll travel with you." he told me with a smirk.
I didn't feel the need to speak anymore. He's here. I'm happy. We're happy.
-
The days have passed away quickly. We were living peacefully in a cabin by the ocean.
Hearing the singing birds everyday.
Waking up next to my love.
Loving him and being loved by him.
-
This day is special. My birthday.
We walked barefoot on the sand.
Swimming at the ocean until we're worn out.
"Let's take a break and watch the sunset." you said.
We lay down on the sand, my head on your chest.
"Look at how beautiful the sunset is." I whispered.
"Well, it becomes ugly compared to your face."
I giggled. "You cheeseball."
I'm glad at this very moment, hoping that this never ends. I thought about everything I've done in my life.
I thought about the times when I'm without you.
The sun slowly goes down the horizon.
"Thank you for everything. I regret leaving you back then."
"Don't say that. It's okay. I understand." you said, kissing me on my forehead.
"Every minute of my life became meaningful because of you. You make me feel alive. You're my remedy." I whispered. I can feel my body getting weak.
"You're so cheesy. Tomorrow, I will buy you a cheese pizza." you chuckled.
I can feel it. I can feel the energy leaving my body as the sun continues to hide beneath the ocean line.
"Idiot. I don't think I can eat it. Maybe in my next life."
"Why not? We're just gotta get it delivered by the cabin. No need to travel, love."
"Okay. I love you." I felt my eyes becoming heavy. I take a close look at your face. You smiled. I closed my eyes.
The sun is now gone and the darkness covered the ocean.