To the Boy Who Never Knew I Loved Him

There was an abundance of sadness in me when you walked into my life.

You entered the room so stiff, your shoulders were lifted, and your hands were stuck inside your pockets. I took a glance at you, and I felt myself blush. But I convinced myself that I felt nothing, so I felt nothing. And when I told myself to not feel anything, that's when love entered the room and, bleh, touched my soul. Yeah, the movie kinda stuff. And it's burning me alive--slowly and quietly. You see, the day you started waltzing into my life--the day you started a feeling in my heart--is the worst day of my life! 'Cause I could have been fine--I could have been okay--without you. I mean, I'd kinda be pretty sad, but I had my friends. I have my friends.

Anyway, can I tell you something? I'm gonna say it anyway. I always thought that I would marry a prince...or Zac Efron. You never know, I could. Whatever. Anyways, I always thought I would find love, but I didn't expect it to enter with sweatpants and a baseball tee on. Or that weird hairstyle he had going on! I didn't expect dark brown eyes, and the kindest soul on earth. Nor the brightest smile, and a loving heart. I just expected a prince!

And in my head I tell him, maybe you are a prince. Maybe you were meant for me to love. But life didn't tell me that love could be a one way thing--that love is sometimes not returned. And life didn't tell me about heartbreaks and heartaches. And life didn't tell me about unhappy endings, or that love would find me. And love didn't tell me that sometimes, the person can't hear. Because every time I spoke to him, I would speak with excitement, and I would speak with hidden meanings; I would speak to try to tell him the truth. But he never heard me.

And every time I'd feel his eyes on me, I would feel excited. I'd feel delighted. But love didn't tell me that sometimes the person can't see. 'Cause every time I looked at him, my smile would grow wider, and my face would turn redder. And I would look at him with so much passion.

I loved him, and it ruined my life. See, now I'm trying to find someone better than him. Now I can't sleep, or stop thinking about him. And after this moment, I want to believe that something can happen between us, but I remember that one day I'm gonna have to wake up, and I'm gonna have to get out of bed, get on a plane, and leave everything behind. I'd have to leave him behind. And I'd love to say that love is beautiful, but it isn't. Not when it's like. Not when it has to be a secret. So in this moment, I tell him that I have one big thing to say...

I love you.