To the Girl that I Could Never Be With

A few years ago, when there was still innocence in me, we met.

We fell inlove, we fell apart and I know we never got over each other.

I went away and left,

and I know you stayed.

I know you won't be able to move on

And hoped you really won't.

Now, after so many years apart, we met again.

I've changed, I've become someone I feared to be.

I've become someone who I promised you I won't be.

And I know you were still that delicate flower, and I'm too inlove with you just to pluck you.

I'm too inlove with you, that's why I tried to stay away.

Because I know, I'll just hurt you again.

But universe be damned for matchmaking us again.

Be it damned for hoping that a mess like me could be handled by someone like you.

Be it damned for hoping that your heart can handle the pain that I may brought you.

Be it damned for thinking that I deserve a second chance.

So as I bring a girl for that night, I saw the pain as it registered in your eyes.

I saw you as you discreetly wiped some tears away, doing your mantra to keep them at bay.

The way you looked like someone punched you in the gut as I kiss her mouth full.  

I know you're hurting, and I know you wish it was you.

And I wish it was you too. I wish I could hold your hand and not fear of anything.

Could kiss you passionately, spend the night with you and be able to cook you breakfast next morning.

I wish I could wake up with you by my side, angelic face giving me hope to start another day.

I wish I could be with you, learn, build and grow old with you.

But I love you too much to risk it.

And as I bring another girl for another night,

another girl for every night,

I know it's dawning on you.

I've become someone you feared me to be.

And I know you're grateful because you're not the girl I'm holding.

I know you're grateful that you're not the girl I'm bringing to my hotel room at night just for me to satisfy my lust.

Satiate this hunger, the evil inside of me.

I smiled, and I was grateful, because I know, I'm doing something right.

See me as the beast that I am.

See how ugly my soul have become.

Because I hope after that, you'll finally forget me.

But my selfish heart still hopes you won't. It still hopes that you're still the girl who won't let go, because no matter how I try, I still wish, we could be together and last a lifetime.

I wish I could be the right guy for you.

I wish I could be the best.

I wish.. I am "The One".

I wish I could match your loyalty.

But I am sorry.

Back then when I was just bad, it killed me to see you hurting.

But now, I've gotten worse and I know you won't handle it anymore.

You won't be able to handle my lies and I know I wouldn't be able to gain your trust.

I have to let you go, let you find some other guy to love you the way you deserve.

Because no matter how I try, this is what I am now,

this is who I've become.

And I'm sorry baby, I love you way too much to think that we deserve each other.

You don't deserve me, you deserve better.