To You My Love! (Part Three)

“Is everything okay? Are you okay? You do not sound so. What happened?”

“Nothing. Talk to you later.”

It was around 11:30pm. I called Kumar.

“Oh I love her! I love you! Its always been you!” It was him, insane.

“Hello”

“It was me bitch. You don’t listen don’t you? Asshole! Back off!”

Now lets back up a bit. Kumar was someone to be scared of. He is one of those people who creates menace. You don’t want him as your friend, and definitely not as your enemy. In every class there is a group of students who think they are tough and cool, they smoke, drink and are surrounded by girls. He was one of them. Now you know why I was terrified.

“What do you have to do with Meera?”

“Oh! You want an explanation! Duh! Sorry bro! Meet me tomorrow, I will tell you!”

“See, we can settle this.”

He hanged up the phone. I was done. I knew.

I looked on my phone. There was a text.

“Please tell me something. I am getting really tensed for you.”

“You are a lucky girl Meera. I will tell you everything, but not just now. You don’t have to be tensed. Stay chill. There is nothing to worry.”

I tried to but could not sleep. Somehow the night passed. Early in the morning she sent me a message.

“Cant we just be friends? It could be easy again for us. Relationships ruin love.”

“No. We cant. I love you, I always have. It has been years since I had these feelings. You have no idea how much I love you. If we remain just friends, I will still be hooked up on you. I will always believe that someday you will be with me. And seeing you with other guys will only be a torture. I love you! I am offering you my heart. Now its up to you what do you want to do with it.”

I typed this. I waited. Then I deleted it. I don’t know why but I couldn’t press ‘send’.

There was a complete agitation in my mind. I was in predicament. I was confused, a lot. Maybe she didn't understand my feelings. Maybe she did. What was I feeling? I don’t even remember. And I don’t want to write some made up lines and phrases to tell you people. I was just confused. And to some extent restless.

Next day, my plan was to avoid conflict. Maybe after a few days it would be fine. Time would suppress the heat of this situation. In the morning, I saw her face. Her usual liveliness was gone, and it was because of me. I started to see myself as a culprit of all these bad things going around. I wished I hadn't expressed my love for her and neither had all this disparity had taken place. It was I who had done the wrong, maybe.

Kumar was there at the corridor, waiting. I had planned not to get into trouble but..

“Hi! Kumar. Listen to me. I think we can sort this…”

“I love you! Its has always been you! Fuck You!” I was wrong, he had become insane.

Next thing I know, I was on the ground. I could have fought back, but only to get hurt back more. I stayed down. They left, and I laughed. We both were insane, on different levels.

I went to the class. I tried my best to hide the pain in my ribs. As we were leaving for our homes, Ashu came and looked at me in a largely disapprovingly way.

“Why are you doing this?”

“What am I doing?”

“Getting bet up and trying to be normal to her as if nothing has happened.”

“See I need no help.”

“I know everything yaarr and now that I know, just listen..”

“Sorry....I...”

“Who are you to her?”He shouted on top of his voice.

I seriously had no answer.. I just stood and stammered.

“You are being an idiot. You need to slow down, sit and think about what you will be doing. Do you think she knows about what all is going? Your inner most feelings? Does she love you the same way you love her? Has she even once come to you, and tell you that she is with you? That she wants you to fight Kumar? Or is she just avoiding the situation? Does she see you as her love, or just a friend? Have you talked to her? Don’t be a fool.”

“No she..” I could not complete.

He left me with a dilemma. What was I doing? Why? And for whom?

The same day, in the afternoon, I met Meera. She avoided the talk for a thousand times, but somehow I asked her straight while she was walking away.

“Who am I to you??”

She looked back at me, narrowed her eyes and said “You were a good friend.”

“What do you think of me?”

“I like you too. But I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know!” she replied after a long pause.

I was still confused. Maybe she was too. What was she trying to say?

“What should I do? Should I fight for you? Or should I start to ignore you the same way you do? Or should I hold on my feelings for another year? Or should I just be that person who is made fun of?”

“Please, please! Leave me. I need some space, leave me alone.” There were tears in her eyes.

I saw her going. She was walking away. I could have have gone behind her. I could have chased her my whole life. Readers, you have no idea the kind of girl Meera was. It has been years. She is still the same. Her every aspect made me fall in Love with her. And I am not talking here only about her beauty. Yes she was beautiful. But more than that it was her heart. It was pure, innocent and selfless. If you could have met her, just for a few minutes, I am sure you would agree. Where could have I found such a girl? I wanted to hold onto her. I never wanted to let go.

“Hey!” It was her friend.

“Hmm. Hi! How are you?”

“See I know you love her. You are a nice guy, you are probably the one girls search for their entire life. And you know, Meera knows everything that is happening. You getting bet up, and Kumar. She is really disturbed. Please give her some time. She will be normal. I can make sure.”

“And what about me? You have no idea how I am feeling. Its so consuming!”

“Should I give you some advice? Don’t fight for her. She is never going to love you the way you do. She talks about you a lot, but as her best friend. I have seen that. Even if you two get in a relationship, it won’t last long. She actually likes someone else.”

“Who? She never talked about him!”

“I don’t know about that. But she is really getting close to him. See, please don’t spoil whatever is left between you too.”

“I don’t know. I need some time too.”

I was so confused. What was happening? Everything I knew had been turned. I don’t know, what was I feeling? Should I be with her? Or should I leave her, grow apart? Will I be in a relationship with her? Will she friendzone me?

On my way back, I saw Kumar and his gang. I stopped. I went straight to him. I was expecting some sort of maniac words and a punch. But..

“I am sorry. Forget all that. I am never getting Meera with all this. But you can.”

This was unexpected. What could have, who could have put his mind to ease? I thought.

“We’re friends right?”

I did not reply. I hugged him, and left for my home.

It was just two days. Everything had turned so much. It was almost as if God who was playing the game. In just two days, my heart had been loved, cared and broken. In just two days, friends became enemies, enemies were extending a hand of friendship, and people whom I cared for, changed. What should I expect of life, of love? Questions were hailing like a tremendous hailstorm. The answers were questionable. I tried to justify everything that had happened. I associated reasons for actions. I wanted to understand why was this was happening? Some things made sense, some things didn’t.

Suddenly I realised something. And it changed everything from the beginning.

I was not ‘the one’ to her love story. Maybe I wasn’t her hero. I wasn’t the one she wanted. Maybe I was the hurdle to her love story. The guy who comes between two souls in love. I never wanted to be that guy. I always thought I was Ted or Ross or Noah. I should and had to go, away, let her be with the one she loved. Time had changed, perspectives had altered, and fate had worked.

”And I will be searching for the White Swan.

On an another day, in an another World…”

My day had ended. And so had my relationship, whatever little I had with Meera. And now that I know about her, I guessed who that lucky person might be? I wished she got the one she loved. Lying on my bed, I wiped my tears. I went to the terrace and looked at the million souls that were twinkling, assuring me that everything will be alright. I looked at Vega and Altair and thought about this really complicated feeling I was in, love.

I recalled each day that I spent with her, without her. Recalled her smile, her hair, her face, her giggle, her hands, her feet, and her tears. I smiled again, as I thought of whom did she love. Now it had been years. We have changed. Her photos are still in my gallery. Sometimes I look at them and remember my days with her, the purest of love I will ever have, Meera.

This was just the begining of a very long and exciting story of my life. I have lived a major part in Love with the same girl. Things fell right, things got worse, some things were unresolved. It was consuming, yes, but it was something I am glad happened. 

I don’t know why, but I still feel that someday she will understand me, understand my love, and run to me, and ask me with the same lively face,

“Do you still love me?”

Maybe one day someone will tell her my story. Maybe she will know how I felt for her. Maybe she will run back to me. Maybe our story will have a happy ending. Some day?

I wish someone tells her, I wish she reads this herself.

So this is for you.

To you my love.

“I still Love you”

Reader, do You Believe In Love?