Torn Thoughts of Midnights

July 1, 2017, 9:04 PM

“Today is one of those days,

those days where I suddenly feel down,

suicidal, and alone.

Where I suddenly ponder about life,

and the weather.

Tonight is one of those nights,

those nights where I fear my life in

the next couple of decades,

that I won’t even blink myself to sleep,

just to stop me from growing.

It’s one of those days and nights again,

where I torture myself from painting,

drawing, and writing.

I couldn’t stop shaking.

I couldn’t stop my emotions from

pouring.

And I just hold the pen and

bleed.

So I stay awake,

I daydream at days and

cry at 3 am.

It’s the only remedy I could think of.

Just so I could stop time.

I could feel every second ticking,

turning into minutes,

to hours,

to days,

to weeks,

to months,

and to years.

No, you don’t understand.

You don’t understand life

if you do not fear anything.

Don’t even bother comforting me,

or even pat my shoulders.

Unless,

we have the same chaos,

the same mess, the same questions in head–

Here’s a cup of tea,

or coffee,

whichever you prefer

and sit across me.

Let’s make a plan as to how

to live or

how to perish.”