Trapped

I write because I feel the need to let it all out. Everything gets messier in my mind. The words that I wanted to say or the words that I wanted to share are trapped. By my own mind. It has a padlock that no one can open because the key is inside. I locked it and threw the key inside.

Silly.

When I was young, I was this outspoken little girl until puberty came. Talk here and there and everywhere. I barely have time to sleep. I thought sleep wasn't necessary because we only live once in a lifetime. After that we'll all be sleeping all the time and won't even have the will to wake up.

Then one day, I was in the middle of texting my cousin Sheila to come and pick me up when suddenly, I felt a presence standing in front of me. I was in my 3rd year of college that time and was outside the school ground, waiting for my cousin.

I lifted my head to see who was in front of me. I was taken aback slightly to be honest. It was a girl.

A gorgeous one. I've never seen such beauty like hers my whole life.

"Ye-" But before I could ask her what she wanted, I was immediately cut off with a slap. She slapped me. Hardcore. Boy, it was painful. I was shocked. My first time to get slapped at.

I shoved her. Hardcore. She almost fell to the ground but she managed. Tough, huh.

"What is your problem?!" I asked furiously.

She didn't answer instead she just stared at me intently with madness in her eyes. Her eyes are  green but dull, same with the color of the forest after it rains. Her skin is white as snow, hair is black as night. She looks familiar though. I think for a moment, squinting my eyes while looking down to the ground. That's how I remember things or people. But I can't, so I looked at her again.

I frozed.

Tears were starting to fall down her eyes. Her hands were into fist. I stand still, waiting for her to attack me anytime. Even though deep inside I was palpitating. I couldn't afford any body contact with this girl. A slap is enough.

"You killed h-him." She said all of a sudden. Wiping her tears from her now reddish face. Her freckles became more visible. Her voice cracked when she said the last word.

I was puzzled. My composed face turned into a frown.

"I killed someone? Him? Girl, I don't remember killing someone. It wasn't me, okay? Maybe I only looked like her but, I don't remember a thing about killing a guy let alone thinking about doing it. It's a sin." I rant emphasizing the last word. I get my Nike pink bag from my back and hugged it.

I was stressed. First, she slapped me. Now, she's accusing me for killing someone? Who is she talking about anyway?

I guess she reads what's in my mind because she blurted.

"Seth Harper."

Seth Harper...

Before I could ask who the hell is Seth Harper, she spoke again. I noticed that she's not crying anymore.

"My best friend. My partner. The love of my life. The one that was so in love with you but you always just pushed him away. He died because of embarrassment. All because of you. You're a murderer." 

She uttered those words with complete hatred and antipathy. Those words, the words that made me not to ever talk again.

Now, I remember why she's accusing me. Everything. The guy, which has a name that's been following me wherever I go. The one that's been leaving letters inside my locker ever since my first day in college. The guy that I embarrassed in front of many students. The guy that I claimed as "Stupid, ugly, psychopath."

Those were the only words that I uttered for him ever since. Little did I know, that those words made him end his own life.

Seth Harper.

I never bothered knowing his name. Simply because I didn't like him.

I was snap out of my thoughts when the girl in front of me clears her throat. She leaned closer to my ear and whispered the words that made my mind go haywire.

"See you in hell, my love."

See you in hell, my love.

My love...

I looked at the girl abruptly. She stared at me and smirked.

My love...

Seth Harper used to call me that in those letters he gave to me.

But what really caught my attention was her dull green eyes were now dark hazel eyes.

Exactly the same with Seth's eyes...

I walked back slowly from her, our gaze were still intact against each other. Her smirk was starting to change into a vicious grin. My hands were shaking as I hugged my bag tightly.

I almost had a heart attack when a dog barks so loud behind me. I quickly glanced at the dog but when I looked back at the girl, she's gone.

After that day, I never use my mouth to speak again to anyone. Not even to my parents and my friends.

I trapped the words that I wanted to say.

I couldn't afford to lose a life again because of me.

I only communicate with the use of pen and paper.

But from then on, I choose my words wisely.