TURNING MY BACK TO THE OLD US

I saw you walking by holding someone’s hand with a genuine smile painted on your face. You were wearing a smile that never did I see when you were still with me - not even once .You were so happy that you didn’t notice that I was there looking at you. You were holding her hand as if you didn’t want her to go. You were staring at her as if she meant the world to you. You brushed her hair with your hand and kissed her forehead while closing your eyes. By merely looking at both you, it pierced my heart. It should have been my hand you were holding tightly. It should have been my lips pressing against yours. It would have been me who made you smile that way. It would have been me you fell in love with. It would have been us if you had chosen to fight for what we had.

At that time I wish I had just vanished just like a bubble for I couldn’t stand the view anymore. Although the feeling of jealousy was eating my system at that time, I still managed to hold back my tears and suppress the painful emotions I was feeling. Despite doing my best to conceal my mental state, my knees lost their strength, so I sat along the road for I could feel that I would pass out anytime.

When I already regained my strength, I stood up and walked away—away from the place where I could see you and your new. I took a deep breath one last time and decided to let go of all the baggage and hatred that I had been keeping inside for they only hindered happiness to come in. I never ceased walking and didn’t even dare to look back--- at you, the memories and the old US.I set my self free from pain and anger because they only hamper me from being happy again. I deleted all the questions in my head for they didn’t matter anymore, not at all.

I was so focused on forgetting all the memories that bring negative effects on my life that I didn’t realize it had already started raining. In lieu of running and finding a shed, I looked up the sky and felt the rain dripping on my face. Slowly, I closed my eyes to listen to the sound of the rain. It was so soothing and tranquil that it put my heartbeat back to normal again.

Soon, the rain was gone and the beautiful, big rainbow appeared in the sky.