Under the stars

I sat on the bench of at the edge of our cabin. The night air was cool and the breezes played with my hair as they softly blew by. I let out a contended sigh, and looked up.

A million stars dotted the velvety sky, shining blue, green and purple. I couldn't help but smile. It was different out here, in the outskirts of the city. There wasn't any smoke clouding the sky. There were only the stars, the breeze and the low hanging moon, bathing the world in silvery light.

I pulled my knees up onto the bench, hugging them, trying to drink in as much of this world as I could. I couldn't believe that four months had ended already. And tomorrow I would be off. Away from this dream land, back to the world where there were no stars. The thought sent a depressing shudder through me and I tried to ignore it best as I could. There was no point dwelling on what would happen anyway. I didn't want to let anything ruin this beautiful night for me.

As I sat in blissful silence, basking in the beauty of the moment, I heard the back door slide open. A pair of feet made their way around the corner to me.

'Hey,' said a voice I'd grown to love in the past four months. I looked sideways at the person I would miss most, perhaps only second to these stars.

'Hi,' I said, with a smile, and scooched over. He smiled back at me and lowered himself on the bench next to me.

We sat in silence for a while, my eyes tracing nameless constellations in the starry sky.

'I'm going to miss this so much,' I said, dropping my chin on my knees.

In front of us was a world covered in a blanket of snow, glowing slightly in the moonlight. The cabin was located on a small hill, and it sloped down into a tiny town with box shaped houses and little shops dotting the narrow asphalt roads.

Everything about this place spelled out calm.

'It is beautiful, ' he said, tilting his head up to the sky.

It was more than just that.

'Yes. Yes, it is,' I agreed anyway.

I let my knees drop to the ground and smiled as the fresh snow crunched under my boots. It would be a long time before I saw snow again.

'How long will you be gone for?' he asked, his voice laced with something that reminded me of the colour grey.

'I don't know,' I said truthfully, shaking my head.

I heard him sigh, a soft, sad sound that made my heart clench. So I turned towards him and said in a tone of forced cheerfulness , 'Hopefully not too long, eh?'

He smiled back, sadly, lowering his eyes to his feet. A clump of hair fell over his eyes, like a curtain of brown clouds hiding the stars of silver behind them.

His hands twitched at his sides, like they always did when he felt indecisive. I wanted to cover his hands with mine and tell him not to worry, whatever it was he was worrying about. But I didn't.

Four months was a long time. A world covered in the golds and browns of autumn turned into a world blanketed in snow. A small grafting of a plant could turn into a beautiful vine birthing roses. A stranger could become someone you looked forward to seeing everyday. And you could perhaps say that Kev was my rose.

Like I said, four months was a lot of time.

'Will you...Will you ever come back?' he asked, his fists clenched around the seat of the bench. I stared at his face, now turned towards me. It was a canvas- silver and shadow painting pictures on a pale canopy- the dip at the bridge of his nose, the curve of his bow lips, the angles of his cheekbones - all accentuated.

Kev wasn't what one might call 'handsome'. He  I had nice features, all thrown together haphazardly onto his face. But his soul shone through it, through his eyes, even through the small flutter of his lashes.

I wondered, as I pondered his question, if I would ever find someone so beautiful.

I wished I could lie and tell him that I most certainly would. But there was something about Kev. I could never lie to him. And I wasnt going to start today.

'I don't know, Kev,' I said, resignedly.

I didn't have a say in what would happen. And there wasn't anything else I could do.

'It was great knowing you,' he said, his eyes turning back to his shoes. 'Its a pity we... well, I wish...I could've had... I wish we had gotten to know each other better.'

I looked at him, frowning. Kev, stuttering and grasping for words? Now that was something. I couldn't help the chuckle.

' I'm not going to die, Kevin Smith. I'm just....Not going to be around as much,' I said, shrugging.

'I would miss not having you around as much,' he said, standing up and pushing his hands into his pockets.

I stood, too. My joints were beginning to freeze.

'One last walk?' he asked, tilting his head towards the park halfway down the hill.

'I'm still not dying,' I said, smiling, as I nodded and followed him down the hill.

There was something about the park in winter. The branches of the trees were all covered in snow, the lake in the center was frozen. Long droplets of water hung frozen like beads on a string of ice, curtains hanging on the trees that bent to form an arch over the walkway.

We walked in silence for a while, admiring the raw beauty of nature. The night was starting to get colder and I was starting to regret not bringing along my windbreaker. The thin jacket I had on was barely any help. I pushed my hands into the pockets of my jacket anyway, trying to salvage as much heat as I could.

Kev, walking a step ahead of me, stopped under a beautiful sugar maple overlooking the pond, it's long arms, now covered in snow, forming the perfect picture of a magical tree in a magical world.

I joined him, shifting from one foot to another to keep warm. I couldn't help but stare at everything around me in awe. God, I really was going to have the worst time saying goodbye.

As if on cue, Kev turned towards me, pulling out a small package from one of his pockets.

I stared at him and then at the package.

'What's that?' I asked, pointing at the little box wrapped in silver.

Kev simply shrugged, pushing the box towards me.

I shook my head, pulling my hands back.

'Kev, come on, man. No. I don't...You really shouldn't have!'

'I just.... I wanted you to have something to remember me by,'  he said, shrugging again.

' I'm still NOT dying,' I said, letting out a small laugh. But this time, I stepped closer to him, letting him push the box into my hands.

There's something you should know about Kevin Smith. He was a beautiful person. He was an amazing friend. He was incredibly thoughtful. And I was absolutely in love with him. But...

To him, I wasn't more than his best friend. Or so I thought.

'I wish you hadn't,' I said, a little forlorn that I hadn't thought of something like that. 'I didn't get you anything.'

'You don't have to,' he said, smiling, nudging me to open the present.

It was small rectangular something wrapped in silver paper, glinting, like the snow above and below us, in the moonlight. I gingerly pulled the pieces of cellophane tape, slowly unwrapping the paper. Underneath was rectangular silver box that looked like a snuffbox.

I looked up at Kev, raising my eyebrows in question. He simply shook his head and said, 'Open it.'

And so I did. I almost dropped the box when I saw what was inside. I looked up, meeting a pair of excited grey eyes and a wide smile. I didn't know what to say.

'Kev, really..!!' was all I could manage.

Sitting in the box on a cushion of magenta velvet was a small silver brooch. A beautiful and delicately carved rose curled around a small stem of silver, it's petals painted a magnetic shade of blue. I hadn't ever set my eyes on anything more beautiful!

'I...I can't possibly accept this,' I said, after I had stared at the brooch for a good ten minutes like a dumb troll.

Kev let out a short laugh.

'Of course you can. I made it at the workhouse last week. I've been thinking of giving it to you for a week now...But...,' he trailed off, leaving the sentence hanging in the air.

'You made this?!' I asked, almost dropping the box again.

He smiled a little shyly and nodded.

'How...'

'My dad.... He taught me how to work the forge as a kid. I don't use it much but....Like I said, I wanted you to have something to remember me by,' he said, his eyes directly meeting mine.  I didn't dare to hope that it was what I thought it was that was ringing in his voice.

'It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen,' I said, a little thickly,  smiling.

He smiled back, and I could've sworn I heard a small sigh of relief shake through him.

I moved the box back towards him and he frowned, tilting his head in question.

'Pin it, why don't you?' I said, smiling and standing a little straighter.

His eyes widened a little, but then he smiled so bright, his grey eyes shone like the stars overhead. He picked up the brooch carefully in his long fingers and pinned it up on the lapels of my jacket, just below my collarbones.

He stood back on his heels, admiring his work. I felt a little like a five year old in spotlight under Kev's gaze, and soon my cheeks had flushed to the colour of roses in Mrs.Tate's garden.

'It's perfect,' he said, straightening up, his fingers brushing the brooch, a small smile playing on his lips.

I swallowed, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear and looked up to find his grey eyes trained on my brown ones.

And then, as the cliche goes, time stopped. I had always laughed at the way it happened in movies and those Mills and Boon books. But who knew it was as true as things are.

I was suddenly aware of the soft breeze around me, playing with my hair, curling it and setting it down. I was aware of the lake and our distorted reflections in the ice, two silhouettes - one tall and one short - heads bent towards one another, standing barely a foot apart. I was aware of the stars and their light, casting all over us a magical blanket of silver. I was aware of my heart and my lungs, both apparently working at twice the usual rate. I was aware of the barely existing touch in between Kev's fingers and my brooch, of his dilated pupils reflecting mine, of our breaths fogging in the little space between us.

Time stretched, a moment splitting itself into a million others. Kev's fingers tightened on the lapels of my jacket, his breath caught for a second, his body hovering in an arc for moment as indecision flashed in his eyes, and then it was gone.

And he was pulling me closer by my jacket, his lips crashing into mine, like waves hitting the rocky shore. I let out a muffled gasp, grabbing his arms to steady myself.

It could've been an hour before he pulled back, his eyes wide and wild, or a minute. I couldn't tell. I stared at him dumbly, now encircled in his arms, with his thumbs tracing patterns on my cheeks.

And then his hands dropped to his sides, and he stepped back like he'd suddenly realised what had happened.

'I'm.... I'm so sorry,' he said, dejectedly, running his hands through his hair.

I frowned, still a little thrown off from the whole 'kiss-from-my-prince-charming' moment.

'It... wasn't that terrible,' I said, in a tone that I hoped would help.

Kev looked back up at me, raising an eyebrow.
'What did you just say?'

I blushed, if possible, deeper.

'I mean.... it wasn't a terrible...you know...,' I shrugged. It was getting hard to manage coherent speech with Kev's eyes trained on me.

'You're not...mad?' he asked, confused.

'Am I supposed to be?' I answered, just as lost.

We stared at each other in dumb silence for a while, and then we burst out laughing. I didn't know why. It seemed like it was a funny trick the universe was playing. I was to be gone tomorrow. And we would probably never see each other again. And here we were, on our last evening together, finally admitting our feelings for each other. It was kind of sad. But also, for some reason, incredibly funny.

'Since...When?' I asked Kev, once the laughter has subsided. I didn't know why, but I just wanted to know.

'Since that day at the beach,' he said, smiling a little sadly. I nodded as if that made sense. Perhaps it did to some part of me.

He stepped closer again, this time not so nervously, and took my face in his hands. I wasn't sure what I wanted to hear. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to hear anything.

'Anne, I am so grateful that the universe brought you to me,' he said, placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

I smiled. He always knew what to say, didn't he?

'And I hope, as much as I can hope for anything, that this isn't the end to our story,' and with that he lowered his lips to mine, and I closed my eyes, letting myself go.

Perhaps we would never meet again. Perhaps we would. Perhaps we would find love somewhere else by the time our paths crossed again. We couldn't tell. But right then, in that moment, we were two branches of the same plant, curled together, growing with each other, blooming and rising. And that was all that mattered.