The Unmotivated Teenager

       The reason I opened this app is to express the sacred feelings I have buried inside of me. When you meet me , you will see an optimistic 15 year old , whose smiles all the time and with not worry in the world. But what lies inside of me is different. I am not an extrovert, nor am I smiley miley, I am nothing but an unmotivated teenager.
       My world revolves around nothing. I have no expectations, no objectives and obviously no motivation. Is this a defect? Is this a symptom of depression? But what reason do I have to be depressed?
        I have loving parents, a ton of friends whom I can share my deepest secrets to (but I don't) , furry four legged animals surrounding me with unwavering affection. I have things many would die for. Then why am I still not self satisfied?
        My bubbly exterior is just that, a shell. A shell I use to protect myself from anything and everything that could hurt me. The feeling that gnaws me is excessive self degradation. I see my mates do things that are just eye opening and here I am, sitting down and looking at them. Mind you,not with envy but just the feeling of uselessness.
        To be honest, the future terrifies me. Society expects a lot from young teens and I have no idea what to do to fulfill them. The bar is set so high, that I don't know how to cope up with the speed.
        Am I right? or wrong? What if I don't make it? "What if's" are swirling in my mind. The need to self explore is swelling within me. To find my inner hidden talent and reach new heights, but after all these years,I still can't find my treasure. Doubts again rise , Am I being left behind?
        This may sound like a rant.... I don't deny it. But I'm sure many of you are feeling the same. For those undergoing this, just know that we'll make it. Some way or another. We may not be extraordinary nor are we superhumans. But we will do what we want and pull through.
          This is the writings of a teenager. The unmotivated teenager.