The Unsent Letter

I love you.

Yes, like that.

You’ll probably hate me for saying this, but don’t worry, it’s not a proposal or the sort. It’s a confession. I’ve known you for 2 years now, so I believe it’s about time I came clean. I witnessed something today that made me see the unpredictability of the world we live in, and so just in case a car ploughs into me tomorrow, I want to die in peace knowing that of all the many things in my bucket list, I at least got one of them done.

As I’ve let you know, I don’t really have many friends, so any idea I possess about human interaction is highly basic in nature. Neither am I a person who interacts much, awkward silences are more common when a person talks to me; hence, my tendency to randomly change subjects.

So, when I met you, I didn’t know you too well. Even then I thought you were the single most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It is said that the Creator in the great forge crafts every single body and mind with flaws to balance their fairness, but even the Creator is subjected to the Universe’s Laws of Balance, and it seemed that the Creator was plagued with the flaw of forgetfulness himself the day he forged you from the fires, for he forgot to add the flaws.

Well, at least that’s how you appeared to me. For some reason you inspired in me a fear as well as an unspeakable wonder which I hold in to this day. I dared not approach you anyway whatsoever. After 12th, I became aware that you had moved to some other city. On your 19th birthday I wished you a happy birthday. I didn’t expect you to reply my wish with anything but a simple “thank you”, but you contradicted my expectation. You demanded to know who I am, to which I gave my name, which, as was perfectly expected of anyone rational, unbelieved. Yet, you didn’t let that remain a thorn in our side, and you accepted me as your friend, as did I you. ‘Tis has often been said and believed that the fairer a girl, the lesser are her virtues. Yet, as I went on to know more and more about you, there you were, existing in direct violation of the so-said rule. I was never in greater admiration, wonder and fascination of a girl than I was of you.

You were fair, you were kind, sympathetic, graceful, intelligent, pesky, feisty, madder than half of Johnny Depp’s characters and humble (sometimes to points of near frustration). But you were there, existing there on earth like no other in this world. Slowly but steadily, your words began showing me a beauty of your psyche that when brought into the entirety of the equation that defined you was unparalleled by anything I have seen so far.

The more I came to know you, the greater an urge developed within me to see you happy and blooming, not unlike Joshua’s own sentiments regarding the prettiest flowers of Eden. I wanted to see you safe, happy, relaxed and smiling. I yearned to see the twinkle light up your kohl-rimmed kaleidoscopic eyes, your dimples appear in your cheeks as your lips curved to form the smile, strands of your dark hair sweep across your face. It took some time for me to acknowledge it, but I knew I was in love. With you.

And herein lay my greatest bane, for I was not a man who could hold on to a relationship, for regardless of how much I try, the end of anything from which I once garnered pleasure has but given me pain, especially when I give it everything. You may scoff, but it is true. Maybe it had something to do with my upbringing, or the things and moments I experienced prior in my life. Yet, I could not deny it. I love you. Every time we chatted or spoke, throwing jibes and jokes, sharing stories of us and else, the darkness of many webs in my heart lifted. I smiled now with little effort, even when barely listening to whatever the random acquaintance I was in the company of at the moment happened to be speaking about.

So, why I am writing to you, and why so melodramatic the nature of this confession? Forgive me if it is so, but it is my sincerest and hardest attempt to incorporate my emotions into the words. I know you are now with someone else – which further complicates the matters, for I intended to let you know of my confession before things became cemented between the two of you. Not so that you would accept me; I don’t want you think that my confession in anyway means that I await your reciprocation. See, this is just I, me, myself expressing my sentiments and feelings regarding you, lest tomorrow something should happen to completely separate us in terms of communication. This, everything, is ALL me, and me alone. A pathetic lonely soul who hopes to let the beautiful angel hundreds of miles away know who she is to him, what she means to him, and how much he loves her and will continue to do so till the end of time.

P.S. : I hope your daughter is as pretty as you are