unspoken

somethings left unsaid, some words left unspoken, some people left for no reason. life never stops , time never stops. especially when i wanted it to stop . i want the clock to stop ticking as i am in your arms. it is the time when my heart is healing. its healing from your touch, from your presence. Like I  said time never stops and the time came to say you goodbye. 

you said goodbye with a promise to come again.its going on for years. i don't know if its a love or lust or my fear of being alone.i refrain from giving it a name. Now i want you more than i think i would ever. the truth is you are a part of my life .it rarely exist without you. but my ego does exist. call it the way i am. i think i am independent. i don't depend on anyone. but i found out i do. we all do in some ways on others. i never said these things to you. you never care to find out. 

its difficult to hide your emotions.and i am not an exception either.i am learning though. i thought next time i would tell you that how important you have become. i know we have started it out of necessity. yours to explore the mysterious me.  Mine to give anybody a chance to make me happy. you never disappointed me. and i did disappointed every time. Accept me this is the way i am. i talk less. i laugh less. i feel more. i hide so much. i will be mysterious. 

i know these days have been so difficult for you. i know i am acting weird.you will never know why till i tell you. all i am telling you is to leave me alone. you will never do this. i think you explored me to the level i need you more than i want you. i hope you get the difference between need and want. i need you to help me out in these dark days where i cant decide anything. decide for me. i have faith in you. you want the best for me.  you are trying your best. 

The unfortunate truth remain the same. that "This is my fight". i have to decide and i will just stand beside me. i will not disappoint you this time. i will fight hard and be the one i used to be. i will laugh out loud. i will do pranks with my friends. i will say i love you. i will put my ego aside and say thank you for helping me when nobody even knows that i am suffering from depression. thank you for believing in me and in my dreams when i lost hope on my dreams  thanks for giving me your hope. thank you for showing me my way. i am still struggling but i know if i fall you will there to catch. thanks for loving me so much when i forget to love myself.