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I was stuck in a rocky relationship with someone who always pointed out the faults in me and failed to remember all the mistakes he had made so far and all the mistakes that I had forgiven him for despite crying a river for the same. 

He was still with his ex- girlfriend,  or should I call her girlfriend (since he hadn't really broken up with her) ( ? ), when we were both dating. It was much later that he told me and that was the first time I shed tears because of him. But trust me, it wasn't the last. 

I forgave him for it. At the least, I didn't have to hear the same from someone else and that counted for something, didn't it? 

There was this time when one of my senior colleagues in a state of high drunkenness started pulling off my scarf just so he could bite my neck. I pushed him off but it didn't stop him from biting my cheeks that were sure to bruise the next day.  I couldn't stop crying. I called my so-called boyfriend. I needed him that moment, to reassure me with words, to hold me and to act a bit defensive and offensive ,if needed, in that situation. 

But all I got from him was. "why would you stay near a drunk?" and "you should have run away". Easier said than done. I was like "hello.. he was in my office... And how was I suppose to run when he was blocking my way? And if I had the strength to push him off, I wouldn't have let him bite me..." 

If he was unable to support me, I wish he hadn't gone against me.

Everything went from bad to worse when HE entered my life. Though, when I look back at it now, I think it was at this time that God had sent someone worth holding on to in my life. 

HE was just a colleague, nothing less and nothing more. Yet, as time passed by, he became someone I wouldn't think a second before calling him my best friend. HE was there when I cried myself over my boyfriend countless of times. HE was there to take care of my drunken ass. HE was there who showed me the truth of my so-called boyfriend and made me realize my own self-worth.

We were always together so it was quite natural for others to assume we were dating. But it wasn't true. He had someone else in his life and I was still holding on to someone who could never make me happy. 

At first, the rumors failed to affect me and sometimes we laughed at how silly people were. Time passed and the rumors grew. Everyone suddenly had the idea that the two of us were in an intimate relationship. That's when things started going downhill. 

My boyfriend heard about this and I told him the truth. "There is nothing going on between us. We are just friends. "

I thought he believed me but I had been stupid. He didn't trust me like I thought he would. 

We started getting into fights. It always ended with me crying and I was getting sick of all the crying. I wasn't cheating on him. I wanted him to trust me a little more. 

It was unbelievable when the next day of our fight, he called me up acting normal and asked for money. That completely threw me off. Here was a guy who was going to believe all the rumors and fight with me acting all masochist, asking for money like it was completely normal. 

I did give him the money and told him never to contact me ever again.

I cried again that day and I believed it would be the last time. It wasn't.

He kept calling me and after a while, I guess my stupidity won because I was back to forgiving him.

I called him and we talked and things seemed pretty normal. 

Then the worst happened.

HE found out that I was back to talking terms with my boyfriend. HE knew about everything I had gone through, about all the countless tear-jerking moments of my life. HE wasn't about to interfere but he also couldn't let me commit suicide by going back to the man whose love suffocated me.

HE told me the truth. My boyfriend had told all the guys of our company about us sleeping together. Wasn't that supposed to be a private information? Just for the two of us? He had made that public. It was at that moment that I cried harder than ever, shedding all the hurt and pain and every emotion I felt when it came to him.

I promised myself never to cry for him again. 

HE was there. And I hope HE is always there. It took a time to move on from it but I did. HE was my savior in all forms. 

It was much later that I found about his love for me. HE loved me. HE had broken up with his girlfriend and decided to be with me. 

Sometimes it scares me to think that HE knows so much about me and that HE could backstab me at the worst of times. But HE is still here. Right here. And that's all the reassurance I need.

Maybe someday I will tell him how much he means to me. That I do love him. Just not now. In the right moment I will tell him for sure.