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He was close; our faces almost touching. His eyes were emerald green, piercing my own bluebell ones. Afraid, I took a step back. My heart was pounding. I was sweating bullets.

“Please say you love me too,” he said.

I felt tears welling up in the corners of my eyes. I wanted to run away. So far away. He already knew I loved someone else, but why was he doing this?

“I—I can’t. I—I love someone else, remember?” I chuckled a bit. He must be joking, right?

He looked away, obviously hurt by what I just said. He let out a sigh, then a laugh. A strange, hurt laugh.

“Yeah, I knew that. We’re best friends, right?”

I fell silent.

He let out a sigh.

“I supported you all the way back then ever since you told me you loved someone. Trust me, I was really happy for you! However, that was when I started to realize that I was beginning to have feelings for my best friend.”

From behind him, he pulled out a tiny gift box and gave it to me. I looked at him, then the box, then at him. I had no words.

“You know what, it’s funny how I’ve always carried a pint of hope that you’d love me back someday.”

“Hey, I—”

He placed his finger on my lips, shushing me.

“Shh, words aren’t necessary!” he said, his usual cheerful aura beaming as though he wasn’t hurting, “I promise this will be the last time I’ll ever annoy you with my cheesy feelings. I won’t expect a return of affection, because… like you said, your heart’s reserved for someone else. But let me tell you one thing, though.”

He held me by the shoulders and looked me in the eyes.

“I will always love you, and nothing will ever change that.”

“…”

He lifted his hands and gave a sad smile, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Goodbye.”

Then, he made his leave.

I watched him tuck his freezing hands into his pockets, his earmuffs warming his ears, his heart broken by my words.

His gift was still warm in my hands. My heart hurt as I carefully unwrapped it, and it hurt even more as I saw what was inside: it was the necklace I’ve always wanted since last Christmas.

I remembered last Christmas eve when we passed by a jewelry shop on the way home. He teased me about how childish I looked when I saw that necklace displayed on the store front. I remembered how bummed out I was after finding out how much it cost, and how stupid he looked when he imitated my face. I remembered him promising me that he would get it for me next Christmas. He promised me, and he kept it. He kept it.

My best friend loved me. He loved me to the very last bit, but I couldn’t return his feelings.

I buried my face in my hands as tears stream down my face.

“I—I’m sorry!” I said in-between sobs, “You’re my best friend and I can’t sacrifice what we already have for something so far beyond… I—I’m so confused! I hate this! I hate myself!”

In the darkness of a hidden alley, I sobbed my heart out. I cried and cried until there were no more tears to shed.

I broke someone’s heart, and that someone was my own best friend.

I was such an idiot.