uttaran

 It was the time when the sun gradually settles down putting an end the household chores but the Palace today was bustling with activity. All its members- the ladies of the house, the servants, even the men folk were all busy in preparing for the special event. The boy whose proposal was considered for the beautiful daughter of Thakur Rajkamal Singhania would be arriving shortly. But the joy in the family was as if the marriage was already fixed. And indeed, what could possibly go wrong. Both the families shared the same social background- and standing- whether in terms of caste, community or class. The boy was a lawyer- a profession which was considered both expedient and fashionable in those days. Maithili herself was impatient to receive her future husband, a thought which was unbecoming on ladies in the social values she was raised in. She wondered if at least she could see the face of the man she was destined for life by her parents. Most importantly, Maithili wondered if he would be able to see her face- the shining moon- as her mother called it – before the marriage and boast to his friends, many of them who were her suitors, rejected before him, that he will be the one who will be marrying the most beautiful girl in the town. But no. it was Sanjhi who was taken at task to serve refreshments to the most important guest in the Palace. Showing any eagerness in meeting her would be is both against propriety and feminine skills, Maithili’s mother had warned her.

Sanjhi, named for her dusky beauty was more excited for her sister’s marriage than she would have been if her own marriage was to be fixed. Both had grown together, had played, fought, cried, whispered secrets all under the same roof. So what if they were not related. Was not Sanjhi living in the same house since she lost her parents, like a sister to the daughter of her father’s employers? Even Maithili’s parents had never treated her like a servant. Maithili had always been generous in handing down even her best things to Sanjhi. As they grew up Sanjhi used to hanker after Maithili, persuading her to be tired of her beautiful clothes, books, toys and later even ornaments and buy new ones so that she would give them to Sanjhi to use. It was true that Maithili never used anything that she had once given to Sanjhi. But it did not matter. What is wrong in a younger sister using the belongings that older her sister had left?, Sanjhi used to console herself. And she was small- if not in her age but in her stature. Rather, Maithili’s affection and kindness to her was a proof that friendship transcends the earthly differences of high and low. The boy should be Maithili’s, she deserves him, Sanjhi fervently prayed to herself.

When the time came for Sanjhi to carry the tea and sweets laden tray to the boy’s family, she was sure to look at the boy carefully so that she could carry of every small detail to her friend who desperately waited for news inside. He was more handsome then she had ever imagined. When she jingled her way into the living room she could see that he was looking down with polite modesty as his mother constantly bantered about her only son’s credentials. So engrossed was she in looking at him that she did not realise when her name was called out. Her hand shook at the sudden call and she spilled the tea on his thigh. He looked up fast and their eyes met. Even as the servants ran to relieve him from the burns that she had caused, his eyes did not leave her.

Next day, the whole palace was galore with happiness. The marriage of the only daughter in the family was fixed and everyone hastened, faces flushed with joy, for preparing for the grand wedding that was soon to be due. Sanjhi herself went to the temple to pray for the happiness that would be soon coming in her best friend’s life.

As she descended the steps of the temple, a shadow fell over her. She turned and faced him. He was smiling. Sanjhi blushed in spite of herself. Knowing him to be her friend’s fiancé now, she had still not been able to push his face out of her mind since they had looked at each other. Even at night she dreamed of him. It was so odd to run into him so unexpectedly. He however showed no signs of embarrassment. On the contrary, his expressions beheld- unless she was mistaken- a sense of purpose, like he had deliberately planned to cross paths with her.

 “Congratulations” she finally managed to stammer. “I cannot express how much I am happy for my best friend -” but he did not let her completed her sentence.

 “Are you sure” he asked her, now with an enigmatic smile playing on her face, the smile which would continue to haunt her for many days to come.

 He continued- “When I first saw your face, I was so sure that you are Maithili. I thought you are the one, who will be mine. Even as reality dawned on me later I cannot help thinking about you only. And because you are on the steps of a temple, you will not be able to lie that you too were enamoured by me at the first sight”.

 It was just a statement. He was not asking her to marry him. He did not even say that he will break his marriage to marry the one whom he had fallen for. He did not even ask her to reveal her true feelings for him, even as she felt herself being irresistibly drawn to him. Just a statement and he left, leaving Sanjhi in a whirlwind of thoughts.

But as Sanjhi began walking her way home, she thought she found the answer. Obviously he can’t break the marriage and dishonour his parents by declaring his love to me, a low born. Perhaps he wants me to convince Maithili to step aside and allow me to stand instead of her so that once we get married, nobody will be able to do anything about it .It was a bold plan, disastrous if failed. But they would manage if Maithili co-operated. And why would Maithili refuse, after she will know that they had chosen each other?? That is the only way we can be together, Sanjhi thought desperately.

When Sanjhi entered Maithili’s room, she saw her knee deep in silk sarees. Jewellery - both generational and of latest design were lying in the bed. The wedding was only a week ago. Sanjhi’s heart sank. Maithili was so eager, excited for her marriage.

 But the talking had to be done now before it is too late. “umm, I want to say something. Rather I want a big favour from you. I know you will not refuse since it concerns my heart-”

It was evening again but the happiness had wiped out so completely from Sanjhi’s mind that she couldn’t believe that she was so contented just a day before. She was a standing at a corner in the balcony, away from the view of anyone and drenched in the rains so that she could hide the tears that poured from her eyes. Maithili’s answer was so shocking, so unexpected and yet so obvious that Sanjhi wondered why she did not see it coming all these years. The cold wind that lashed across her body was nothing compared to the wounds her words had inflicted on her mind.

“How could you even dare to think like this” Maithili was outraged. “I am disgusted even at the suggestion. How did you, who always took what was handed down by me, dream that you could ever have something- and someone that is mine alone!!” do you think using my worn down things would be the same as sharing my fate”….

Hurt would be a minor word for what Sanjhi felt at the blatant refusal. Maithili’s words had not only broken their long friendship, but her heart, her self-worth. She felt that her very existence too was a cast down of Maithili, to be lived in the shadows of Maithili’s life. And suddenly she felt angry. Angry at her friend’s betrayal. Angry on him who did not stand for her even after admitting his attraction. Maybe he too thinks of me as an uttaran of Maithili, to be used when he grew tired for her, Sanji thought suddenly. She was also angry on the society that allowed men to desire women they could not honour. Above all- she was angry on herself for permitting the bitter humiliation to be inflicted on her by the person whom she had trusted the most. And the fire that burned her heart as the anger grew, Sanjhi knew, would not scorch others till she was consumed by its flames herself first.

The wedding was now just a few hours away. The muhurat was determined to be sometime early in the morning. Though Maithili was asked to retire to bed early so that she would look fresh on the d-day, her parents were too anxious to sleep. His parents were sleeping soundly. Sanjhi did not even bother to sleep.

The bridegroom himself was resting in the best room and like all men in the last day of bachelorhood, he sought respite by drinking. And Sanjhi knew this. Drinking before the marriage was almost practised like a ritual by the groom and his closest friends. 

The message was sent to him- ‘ Choti Malkin (Maithili) wants to meet you’. 

He was really surprised. It was against the custom for the bride to meet her would be husband right before the marriage. “It is very important” he was told by the servant. Excitement aroused-as did passion to see his bride before the marriage- and he slowly sneaked into the room where he was told that she would be waiting for him. When he entered the room, she was standing facing the wall. “Maithili, did you call me”. “Yes” she answered as she slowly turned. He saw- not the fair face of his bride but the dark face of desire. Sanjhi. Even in the drunken state, his first instinct told him to turn and leave. But as she slowly started unwinding her duppatta first from her hair and as the black tresses fell, from her body, he froze. He could see the fire of passion lit up in her eyes, yet when she touched, her fingers were surprisingly gentle.

Next morning as the ceremony began, Maithili’s parents found their son in law sleeping, still in stupor with nothing covering him except a dupatta. With red stains on it, stains that would not be erased. Maithili’s mother wept silently over the choice they had made for their lovely daughter. Maithili’s father, equally distraught, however declared that wedding cannot be cancelled at the last minute. “Nobody will understand”, he said. His father said “men will be men. Had not palaces like this absorbed the marks of forbidden pleasures left by men before?” He said he will severely reprimand his son for the follies when he wakes up. He also assured that Maithili will never lose her position as the daughter in law in the family. His mother asked “how could you prove that the dupatta did not belong to Maithili, who may have not been able to contain herself even for a day?” Maithili stood outside the door and said or did-nothing.

Maithili’s eyes were so blurred by that she stumbled several times during the pheras. Her mother assured the guests, who had already began to gossip, that it was lengthy lehenga that made her slip so often. As Maithili lifted her veil for him to apply sindoor, she could see that he was not able to meet her eyes.

During the bidai, she found Sanjhi waiting for her at the threshold. She was leaving the palace forever, perhaps would be leaving the town as well. Maithili’s parents had shown mercy on her by not physically driving her out of the house. Perhaps because they could not risk antagonising her further.

“Why did you do this with me”. Maithili whispered to her. “Had I not treated you as my sister, given you everything that was mine”.

 Sanjhi smiled. The first after many days. “But this is the reason I did this, my sister” she said. “I had to repay your kindness. You always handed me down what was yours for all those years. Now you cannot refuse my uttaran”.