A walk among the tombstones

i can sense the void surrounding these graves, i can hear that silence defying my willingness to scream and to escape this nightmare of being orphaned in a vast univers where every flower has perished, i sense that i cannot sense anymore, those who are mocking my words knew nothing about the absurdity of their lives, those words of mine wouldn't make a sense for those who still climb the mountains to fall in the end into the fractal abyss of their pleasures, what an endless nightmare to be one of those who'll never be forgiven, those whose conscience throws the seeds of bleeding thoughts, they said as to console me when hope cease, life ends, i said to myself aren't you dear hope responsible for my misery? you betrayed me and smiled like a shark after a swimmer, oh no! i cannot swim anymore in those stable waters, i wish to be a rock on where sea waves collide, to feel that grievous absence of my lover, to pay for every joy i passed through, i wish to be again that little boy who never cared about seeking a meaning to any object he's handling, a pitiful creature as i am : should perish silently in respect of a mayhem order that reigns here and there, we miserable humans never lived without making noise, we should learn how to live and die silently as the rest of creatures... we sought after common sense and values under morality sovereignty, we knew it was a glaring lie. What did we accomplish as human beings? Nothing, nada, don’t we feel ashamed to celebrate our spaceship programs achievements while a homeless child’s sitting in a dark cold corner of the street crying and blaming his own existence for his misery, while we invented a monetary system where the wealthy conquers the poor, we gave much attention to ourselves more than we really deserved, we wrote a story of human hunters for humans, this is really what we are! Hunters of our own race, maybe humans destiny isn’t to evolve, maybe we had to stay as primate creatures to make less damage to ourselves and things surrounding us, i prefer to be a rock or an animal than being a human, i’ll be less ashamed of myself, i wonder what if animals were more aware than we are, more evolved, we adored our possessions and objects to steer a meaning from them for our existence, aren’t we cheating our intelligence ?or are we afraid of being alone so we found in objects what we missed in our brothers? A strong and eternal bond? A consolation in times of despair and misery ? a loyal companion of life ? is this what we took money and fame for? A consolation? Companion ? bond? I pity our intellect, our science and art for such a purpose ! I would like to crawl to my grave and be among those rocks i wished to be rather to strive to the hell which humans summoned on earth, at least let’s be galant knights to admit that life is meaningless unless we give it a certain meaning proper to our maturity degree beyond heavenly or earthly reward, courageous enough to admit that optimism is a sin towards ourselves? By so we betray constantly the truth of our final essort! Death once replied to her fellows in Latin words : vade mecum, vade tecum!