It all seems so scary.
The next five years seem so scary. I know it will not be easy that’s why I'm crying right now because I will struggle and lose and cry over the scrapes I will collect throughout the next years.
I am scared shitless. I haven’t even passed the USC Admissions test and I am crying now. It was so raw that I could feel the weight getting lifted off their shoulders. It showed that when you work hard to achieve something and then God gives it to you, you’d feel the world get brighter even just by a second.
As I was watching the video my mind reeled to the next years of my life. College seems so daunting that I am cowering in fear. Some may even say I got it all figured out upon looking at me and hearing my plans. But shit no it’s all a guise because I AM SO FUCKING SCARED. I’m scared I might not pass the entrance test in USC. I’m scared I’m going to fail one of my classes. I am scared I’ll get distracted. I am scared I will disappoint mom and dad and everyone who thinks so highly of me.
But after all of these, I know this kind of pressure will push me forward. Crying made me think of the persons that will matter when I cross the threshold: My ate, my mom, and my family. I talked to my ate about this and she told me (in a classic asian pressure talk) “ikaw naman in eight years” (It's your turn in eight years) technically almost 10 years or even more. She then went on and told me something that I will forever remember and will hold dear whenever I think of giving up. “Dream big. Look forward. Foresee. Claim and it will happen.” Yes, yes nang I will claim it.
I am taking the mission and I’m claiming it. And watch me as I make it happen.