Well

It is that time of life again. New year

The time of your existence that matters, the only time during 360 days where you think about what you did, what you are doing, who you have become, and how you aspire to be. The only time in 360days where you truly believe in changing yourself for the better.

I am sitting here doing nothing but aging - Wise very wise words by The Beatles 

I think this is the best thing 2018 has brought me so far. See you may look at it as a song, maybe a song that someone special gave me, a song that someone special loves. It is indeed. But what this song brings me is so much more.I am trying to find the right word for it, but it do not seem that there is one

 I was destroyed, and hurt, and i understand i pushed you away, but you are good so good at holding on, why did you let go at that moment, You chose everything else but me. I on the other hand chose nothing else but You.

It took me few minutes before i stand, and lean on that colorful wall, (orrange and blue look so good together), i looked at the sea, took an unusual deep breath, and smiled. 

About every  happy thought had crossed my mind in a laps of time, it's like my mind wanted to regulate whatever was happening inside of me at that time.

I remember giving up the talks, whatever talks were happening on the phone at that time, i remember giving up the thoughts happening in my head, which by the way were two diffrent things. From one side i was dragging someone with me in the confusion and lost i was in. From another i was dragged with someone in the same confusion and lost i was in. 

I remember letting go, i remember that feeling inside fading away slowly but definitely fading, my body shaked slowly and uncontrollably as i felt every bit of that feeling leaving me, and i smiled every second of the process.

I then had this series of images passing before me, of me, people i know, people i've missed, faces i don't even recognize, and i open my eyes to look at only the sea infront of me, i grabed my arms as the last bit of hurt and desepointment has gotten out of my body. And there it was the truth, an unfolded truth that made me smile. I look at the world, and it is not a giving a single fuck about my awakening moments.