What have I done?

I'm so damaged.
I'm so ruined.

This is not what I wanted for myself.

I got caught up.
Now I don't know how to live my life right.

I don't even know what to think.
I don't know what else to do.

Everytime I'd try to make things right,
I'd always end up making the same stupid mistakes again.

Making my life worse.

This is not me.
This is not how it's supposed to be.

I'm always scared. Deep inside.

No one knows that but me.

They may see the light on my face,
but they don't see the darkness that has been slowly eating me.

No matter how hard I try to get out from that dark hole, I always keep coming back in there.

I tried to keep things up with people.
I tried to connect. I tried to be good.
I tried to do what I think was right.

I tried to do what they say to save myself,
and to see the light once again.

It helped. But...

As I was doing that, I admit I was slowly seeing the light but then it goes dark again.

I don't understand.

I tried so hard. I know.

The light would stay for a little long but then later the dark comes again.
I can't stop it from coming.
It's like it's always gonna be part of me.

No escape.

Worse, it always gets into my head.
Worst, it controls me.

Oh, what have I done?

Now what should I do?