When Patriarchy Takes A Break

The smiling face beams at me and holds out a mark sheet and I see a proud father standing beside. The college mark sheet bears a mark of accomplishment not only of hard work but a father’s zeal, sweat and faith. This father is a humble tea –seller near my workplace, the university. He is offering everyone a free snack as his daughter had done extremely well in her board exams. I get special treatment though all I have done is encourage the little girl to pursue her dreams. Now she sits beside me as I sip my tea and discuss what she should study next.

I often had a chat with this man over a cup of tea. He and his wife have four kids, the daughter being the eldest. The university is set in a rural background and as is always the case the illiterate father fought many in the village to fulfill his daughter’s wish of being educated. He had to chose between his sons and daughter due to his poverty at one point and to my surprise and admiration this uneducated father told me “My daughter does well in school and all my sons are average, I will let my daughter study and my sons can go and get trained in vocational training or when I have the means I will put them back in school.” The decision had come at a price, the villagers have had many a sneering jeers to make, even his wife was not happy but one year later she proved her mettle by being a topper in her zone. The sons have gone back to school courtesy the university’s benevolence.

As I stretch my legs to get up and be on my way home with the setting sun behind me I look at the father-daughter duo and feel in their world the sun will never set. I give one last look with a happiness that engulfs me as I think this man who never had a chance to study, who probably had never heard about the Prime Minister’s “Beti Padao Beti Banchao Andolan”, or haven’t been part of debates about women empowerment is the changing face of India.

Just this afternoon a chat with a colleague had disturbed me and had got me thinking about the plight of women in India. This colleague of mine is educated with a doctorate and is looking for prospective brides, a beautiful fair educated and homely one. Well no harm in an arranged marriage but what irked me is how blatantly he told me that his family will not take dowry form the girl if she is earning in six figures otherwise they will have to demand money. As I scoffed him at his unnatural demands he assured me that there were women willing to acquiesce to this arrangement. It baffles me, how could an educated woman can allow anyone to degrade her like this. But one does succumb to pressure of stereotypes; you have good education, a decent job, now it’s time to settle down with a man.

In a day I see two faces of Indian society. As I sit with the day’s newspaper after dinner I come across this interesting news. A girl from a remote tribal village had refused to marry the man who was acting pricey till his demand of a motor bike was met. On the same page my eyes meet with the Supreme Court’s verdict sentencing four gang rape-murder convicts to the gallows citing this punishment as a deterrent for rapists. I remember the demonstrations, the protest marches demanding justice for the raped girl. That India was angry, aggrieved and united against atrocities on women. The uneducated and educated alike wanted a change, a safer world for their girls.

In a society where women are worshiped as Goddesses, it is disheartening to see so much violence and oppression against them. Where education is still not the ticket to freedom, where free will is unheard of for women and a slightest step towards empowerment is pushed back to the abysmal depth of ‘misogyny’ these little changes gives hope. In the world everywhere women are discriminated based on their situations, shackled to fit into molds and asked to accept that there is glass ceiling to their ambitions, India’s daughters have a more of a rough deal. Amidst this, what mindless debates and awareness programmes could not achieve, the happy face of an uneducated father or the feisty bride and the incoherent chants of a nation for justice assures me maybe we are doing something right. Somewhere a ripple had been created in the vast ocean that has formed colossal waves. A daughter is perhaps cherished today and maybe in years to come the number of missing girls will rise and claim their rightful place as equals with the boys. The integral part of this “New India”, are the parents. A daughter can lose battles against the society but if her parents support her she will win the war against ‘patriarchy’. My India has taken steps towards recognising its women as human beings above all identities and I remain hopeful that India would be a better place for my daughter, though the road is treacherous. My stupor is broken the phone’s ringing as I pick it up, my aunt is breathless with joy to announce the arrival of her granddaughter. I take in the good news and remember what horror she faced as a young bride when she gave birth to my sister. Times are changing for a better tomorrow and India is embracing her daughters like never before.