When reality hit me

I walked on to the crease like just another day. Ready to play for the first time after two years; filled with a childlike excitement.

Cricket to me was life. I was the ‘Har galli ka tendulkar’ . People played cricket, I breathed cricket. You know my living room had to be renovated because the room walls looked clumsy filled with rubber ball patches.

However that day was special. I was stepping on the field after 2 damn years.

We had to field first, I was still excited. As always I stood near the boundaries, because I had a powerful throw and the best judgement for long distance catches. I was standing at deep mid wicket position.

The first time the ball came towards me, I ran ahead to pick and throw. But where I sat in position to pick the ball, the ball just passed by me from the left, beside my feet. I somehow dived across and caught the ball. But realized I didn't read the ball very well. I shrugged it off, since I caught the ball anyway.

Similarly I had a few mis-fields and mis-judged a few catches too.

I thought since I am playing after years it's happening. Anyway I’ll be opening our innings. Later things would be fine.

At the first delivery, I couldn't judge the speed of the ball

I stood stunned, unable to fathom what just happened. No I didn't pay attention, let's do it once more.

I asked my friend to go again, my bat kissed the ball, but somehow for the speed of the ball, my eyes couldn't adjust. For good length balls I started going on the back foot and that was not how I ever played.

This time I told him to spin the ball, but I had no sight of the ball after the first bounce.

A hundred thoughts ran through my head.

Maybe I didn't pay attention, but when did I ever have to pay attention, I thought.

A voice in me said it was over; however the sportsman in me couldn't give up.

So the next time in an exasperated tone, I told him to deliver a slower one. I just about placed that ball.

But, by now I knew it was over...

The eyes that once spotted the cricket ball in a pitch dark ground, couldn't read a simple spin delivery.

The eyes that never missed the sight of a catch, were now afraid when something was thrown towards me.

I still remember how delighted I was, when dad bought me my first bat.

It was a Kashmir willow, with a fine stroke.

But today this bat in my hand, was just a piece of wood, it had lost its life

How do I explain how easy it was to play any delivery effortlessly...

Time and again people tell me with practise it will come back to you.

How could I explain, how good I am at it

Or maybe how good I used to be at it...

Can you unlearn how to walk, Can you unlearn how to cycle...

Till that day my accident, or the disability caused by the accident never bothered me, but that day reality hit me... And this one hit hard

Because till date I was just used to hearing, you’ve been a miracle child. Of all the children in the accident you were the luckiest and recovered the soonest.

But for me it was the feeling of being pierced and not bleeding but feeling the lack of oxygen... this truth was a disguised knife that kept piercing deeper and deeper with the passage of time.

I remember that day falling on my knees I cried like a helpless soul, shivers ran down my spine to realize it was over. I felt the goose bumps all over my face and hands. I wanted to rewind time, I wanted to shout aloud.

I wish that night didn't happen, I wish I had listened, when grandpa asked me to stay home, I wish I never sat in the car. Strangely I still don’t know what happened that night, rather how did the accident happen. I absolutely have no memory of it. I met with an accident during my 10th grade. And that is all I know about the accident. But post hospitalisation as well, I did not feel any sad about it or it did not matter to me, because I happily continued all my activities like reading, driving, probably everything effortlessly.

But Since that day, if there is one thing that keeps ringing in my head then that is this one line; value everything you have, coz regret won't pay for it's loss.