I removed the curtains and kept them in a bucket from wash. I saw my neighbours looking at me. They must be gossiping about me. Who cares? It had being days and they still behave like it had happened yesterday. I kept the bucket down and moved forward to shut the door. I sometimes feel disguised about them and the way they treat me. But sometimes silence is the best way to solve the problem.
I am Charvi, Charvi Kishor Das. A twenty years old widow. I was eighteen when I got married. I am not well educated as my father didn’t had money to spend on my education but he had enough of money to buy me a husband I mean to say he had enough of money to give dowry for my marriage. Well, my husband, he didn’t even know what my favourite colour was or which flowers do I like. He never even gifted me the flowers which I don’t like anyways. We were in a wedding we were not in a marriage. I remember the days when he used to hit me with his belt. Reason? He never explained the reason why? It all happened 3 week ago when I was forced to give up all the happiness in my life, I love colours but I was forced to accept white as my life. It’s not that I don’t like white but a life without colour is a flower without smell. My husband was 35 years old at the time of marriage and as I told you I was 18. He had a habit of drinking; I stitch clothes for a living. The money was not less but it was never enough for him. I went days without food as he took all my money for his alcohol. Result? He developed some disease, the doctor told me the name but I just can’t recall it. He said something in English and my English is really weak. Should I be ashamed of it? Okay sorry back to the topic. He was ill; his treatment needed a lot of money. I didn’t have money for that. I wanted him to live. Like every woman wants her husband to be with her I too needed her. No matter how abusive he was but I still wanted him to get well. In between the declaration of his illness and his death felt Tij and just like every woman I too kept a fast for my husband. I couldn’t afford a saree but bangles are something that everyone can pay for. I bought a set of red bangles and got dressed up for the puja. Every woman from the village was present there. I wonder why husbands never fast for us. After all we are the ones who cook for them, was for them. I don’t mean to say husbands don’t do anything for us they are the pillar of our house but we too are the rooftops. It is said that wife is the other half of husband so as per that husbands are the other half of wives so they too should pray for our long life. Well anyways back to the topic. I kept my thal in front of the deities and folded my hands in prayer. It was when my neighbour Sunil came searching for me.
‘Dada is no more,’ he said.
My world turned upside down in a second. I was frozen and it was impossible for me to even cry. I was standing in front of god to pray for a long life of my husband and here I hear the news of his death?
I had no sense of what was happening. The ladies from the neighbourhood came morning. They wiped the sindoor my forehead and broke the bangles I was wearing. They were the same bangles I bought after saving money for weeks. They wrapped me in a white saree and I was left alone in the room. I was not allowed to see my husband before his body was taken away. For once I forgot all the belt marks on my body and remembered the kisses he planted on my foreheads and other areas at the time of sex. That was the only time he used to adore me after all.
After all was over people abandoned me. They stopped visiting my house as frequent as they did. According to them I must have done something wrong during the puja or I must have eaten something during the fast and due to that the deity must have cursed me. He was already ill and people know that but still why am I blamed for it? If it was me who was dead will the village had asked my husband to adopt white as a color for his entire life? Why me then?
I shut the door and turned around; I can’t complaint now this is my life. A life which which is not gifted by god but forced by the society.