Yes. Yes, I want to stay in bed today. I just want to lie here all day, with my blanket wrapping my insecurities tightly around me. I want to keep my face buried in my pillow all day as I pretend to become invisible.
Yes. Yes, I want to be invisible. I just want to go about my life without anyone noticing the tiny flaws I have. I don’t want anyone to see the scars I have kept hidden even from myself. I don’t want them to come close to me because they suffocate me.
Yes. Yes, I feel suffocated. Everyone who I let in, adds to the weight tied to my feet. The weight that is pulling me underwater, as I’m trying to get to the surface. I don’t think I can hold my breath any longer. Nothing in my body is functioning anymore. I’m numb.
Yes. Yes, I’m numb. I can’t feel anything. I put on a mask, a different one each day, for the world. Even subtle emotions keep them satisfied. And sometimes, just to give them something, I pick an extreme emotion. But, I am broken on the inside.
Yes. Yes, I’m broken. I need space and time to heal. Heal not from something the world calls a ‘trauma’. Just from the everyday knives that are shoved into my soul. Knives that don’t leave me with physical wounds, but hurt my confidence, my self-esteem, my integrity, everything that essentially comprises of me. I know I need to face them eventually, but not today.
Yes. Yes, today isn’t the day. Today I need to rebuild myself. I need to put myself back together so tomorrow I have the courage to get out of bed and the confidence to look them in the eye. So today, today I want to stay in bed.