Here's to every girl who got her heart broken by a boy she didn't even date,
Maybe he told you he loved you, or maybe he didn't. Maybe he was proud of having you, or maybe he wasn't. Either way, you're here. Reading and relating.
I know he made you feel different, the different that's beautiful, overwhelming and enough to screw you up.
I know he touched you in the most soft ways. Not always in desperate ways but also on the parts where you had scars which he could've filled with his love. But, didn't.
I know he had reasons to not 'Date' you. And maybe they never made sense to you but in reality, were true.
I know you should've left when he chose not to commit, and maybe you do too.
But the harsh truth is,
You did everything you could do. You stayed loyal, stuck by him in his worst of times, gave him your best, your all, did things which you had never done before but certainly they were not enough for him to stay. For him to love you back. For him to give you a chance.
And that, right there was your closure. Was your cue to leave from that toxic relationship. Maybe you're better off without a person who doesn't appreciate, or respect your love.
You see, the problem with you is that you care and you always will. You don't let people walk out of your life when it's clear that this is exactly what they want to do. You always have space for them and when they leave, you don't know what to fill those empty places with.
And the saddest part is, you'll never know if all that was a lie. All the soft kisses, tight hugs, late night conversations, all the promises. Because seeing the love and care they showered you with, always, and suddenly getting none confuses you.
Because you always see the good in people and ignore the jerk in them. You think everyone has the same heart as you and that they'd come back to you. Just the way you always do.
When you had him, you read unrealistic novels, saw numerous love stories and imagined scenarios you'd want to experience.
But maybe you should've thought about the breaking too. The falling apart on bathroom floor at 3am with blades slitting your wrists and tears streaming down your face.
But after all this time, I've learnt that you can't make someone love you back and it's not your fault.
It's been 2 months since he has not called you, replied to your texts or made any effort.
And here you are, waiting for that one call that would never come, realising that you're madly in the love that can never be yours.
And there's one more thing that I learnt, When a boy treats you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't.
I feel sorry for all the times he told you that he hates you, regrets meeting you, that you don't deserve care/respect and you still believed the good in him.
Maybe you should've learnt the lesson before breaking into pieces.
As I lay here, I realise that I was responsible for all this. For settling for a relationship that I deep down knew, didn't sit right with me and hoping some magic would change it. But magic is just in fairytales and by the time you realise it, you're fucked.
Somewhere along the line, I messed up. I misplaced parts of my self worth and blamed it on him.
Gave him the authority to break me into pieces and called it love.
But one day you'll realise, it wasn't love. You didn't love him. Because love is a two way thing.
You worshipped him.
You're so broken at the moment that when someone tries you give you their heart, you push them away because that boy isn't him. Because you are in love with someone who doesn't care. And maybe, you're going to be afraid for months and years because every boy will remind you of the one who didn't love you, the one who broke you. The one who left when things got hard.
So here's to all the girls who spend nights crying for someone who is happily partying, to those who lay awake and wait for the text that would never come, to the ones who still believe in the good in him and to those who slit their wrists for him,
He has moved on. He doesn't give a fuck about you. Realise this before it's too late.