An Open Letter To The One That Got Away

Thank you for loving me when I could barely love myself, for waiting, for trying, for understanding me, for fixing me and for breaking my heart.

I was ready and willing to wait.

Still I forgave you, I tried to keep in touch, and held on to your words because I love you. From the very day you left for middle east, I knew it in my heart that it's over, we're over.

Losing you was like, losing a lover and a best friend all at once.

It hurts every damn time.

''I love you.''

Your voice haunts me every night. I had no choice but to cry myself to sleep. In the morning, I had to hide my swollen eyes from my mom 'cause I already know what she'd say and I'm sick and tired of it.

I regret the times I turned you down. Trust me when I said you made me believe in love again, I meant it.

I broke my rules for you. I fought for you. I was up against my parents because they saw nothing but your flaws and thought you weren't good enough. Smiled at your demons and still believed you were the one for me. Heaven knows I did everything to cover up your shit because I don't want to lose you. But you still chose to break my heart.

I taught myself to care for someone I don't, to trust someone I can't, and to love someone I shouldn't.

Guarded my heart just so no one could ever hurt me. No one dared. I broke the walls I've built over the years because I thought you were worth the fight and the struggle. You left me hanging with all the questions and hurt and everything I prayed not to feel and never wanted to feel ever again.

Just say it and I will let you go.

I hope you're well and happy. I hope after several years I'm still the person you'll look for in crowded places, you'll think about when you finally get the job that you want abroad or the ticket to the country you've been dying to be in all your life or when you're down and alone in restaurants and movie theaters. I pray that you wake up one day realizing I was actually the one for you, and regret letting me go. I hope you find the courage to stand outside my house after so many years and ask for another chance. I hope one day I'd hear you knocking on my door and be there to stay.

I hope you find the initiative to say what you're supposed to say and end what a real man needs to end. I have no idea what I did to make you give this up and choose to live a life without me. But whatever it is, I'd rather not know. Know that I will always be rooting for you and with you by spirit in every step of the way. I never thought I'd be capable of loving anyone until I met you. Hoping that someday you'll meet me halfway, when we're ready and not hurting. I'll be waiting for you. I'm holding on to your words. I hope you don't fail me this time. Perhaps, we'll meet again, when we're better for each other. And if the odds would be in our favor, I swear, I'm not letting you go.