Insomnia

It's almost two o' clock in the morning on the fourth day of October and I'm thinking about you again. I'm fighting the urge to send a message to you,  a battle I face every night every time I see that you're online. Pathetic right? I know many people would say to move on already but God knows how difficult it is. It has been a month one year ago before Ill realize that I've fallen for you. 

I really don't know why it hurts this time. I've told everyone that I already have my eyes on another person but little that they know that it's only a lie. A lie to cover up my desperate and pathetic state knowing everybody would laugh if they'd know I still have feelings for you. 

I don't know.I really don't know what is it that you've got that makes me out of control. You're not even that handsome or tall or smart or any of those qualities that are included in my standards. Maybe it's the memories. Yeah, it is. You were one of my best guy friends. I have once shared all my pain with you. Spilling out all my griefs to a friend whom I've never thought Ill have feelings with. 

No, I don't want to cry. But I cant fight it. When will this end? I'm dying from the emotions plunging me into endless hours of wondering and asking when will it be me. No, I don't want to think about you when I know you're thinking about another girl. No, I don't want to be fooled again. By your actions, your words, your stare, your smile, your voice, or even your presence.

Look at me now. A mess. A mess that you've beautifully created. But no matter how painful it is, Ill continue. I'll continue loving you secretly. I'll continue to long for your actions, your words, your stare, your smile, your voice, and even your presence.