....

Tonight I feel like killing myself again. Im useless to the family, I dont have achievements, I am physically disabled and mentally hanging on. Its just a surprise I managed to stay alive after all my suicide attempts.

No, noone in my family knows, its just me. I just wait until they all decide to go to the nearby city. Its been hard and although other people think I've had it easy, its not. Ive been bullied since kindergarten up to high school.Ive been blackmailed by my sisters when we were younger. Ive been extremely bullied by my ex for four years.

My sisters are all high achievers , my older sister just graduated and is now looking at jobs while my youngest sister is pursuing her dance and her cooking skills in college and here I am, pathetically questioning myself and being called pathetic.

I have no friends (the only friend i had ended up in the hospital a few days ago), im just this lowly life. This being who cluelessly exists.

The only thing good about me is that i managed to survive and still have sanity. I shiver when i talk to guys though and its hard to talk to people openly. My family thinks im overreacting and being a child when i become shy around people and how i act, calling me things cause i act as if i like a particular stranger ir that im rerribly annoying.Its insane! I just cant.

I also started questioning myself. Will there be even employers willing to accept a physically challenged individual? Why am i living? What am i even living for? Why was i born like this? Why cant i be the optimistic idiot i was back in high school? Am I just a burden to this family?