The last letter for him

I hate you , the way you still make me think of you in every conversation i could think of. I hate the way your words still hurt me, its like you carved it in my heart but maybe thats why i still love you, i still love the way youll tell me the truth and teach me how to counter it. These letters are meaningless now, and i cant even send it to you anymore. The only thing good about it, is that ill look back and treasure these feelings cause there will be no feeling like this anymore. Sweet, thankful and regrettable all in all. 

Remember when you told me to get off my highhorse. It was all a show actually, i just wanted you to notice me and to be happy bout howve ive successfully did it, or mostly just to annoy you and find that cute but angry reactions you give. Call me wierd, but youre just cuter when youre annoyed. Yes, cute.. Dont you be annoyed again if you managed to read it. You would always get angry and call me stuff that i didnt mind. 

Enough of this, i could imagine  your face now,so... YOURE THE MANLIEST GUY IN THE WORLD. The only one that was man enough to take my punches and even if i almost choked you for being a jerk once, you still believed in me.

And the wierdest part of the relationship was the day you asked me "can i be your boyfriend so that i can help you counter your fear of boys?" Pfft.. That question wanted me to choke you or crush your nuts, but you were obviously aware that i couldnt do it, especially because i puked when i touched men aside from my dad. You were really irritating actually, starting from that day, youd just pop up on my phones screen with greetings. I secretly sort of liked it, thats why i replied. Finally, i had a friend. After 4 yrs of college, i finally had a Friend. 

The thing is, i grew a bit. Thank you. I can now talk to guys without being nervous, i can even look them in the eyes now, but the only thing that bothers me is that the only boy i want to talk to is obviously ignoring my texts and is in the hospital. Im sorry and i just wanted you to know I LOVED YOU FOR REAL 

Thanks for noticing me, someone like me, someone who doesnt talk, has loads of eyebags and sleeps through half the class. Youll always be in my mind, in my heart and this change was because of you. 

P.s. I still love you 

To the boy that saw me when i was invisible..

I am still hoping to visit you , but im also scared to face you.