jonah, stay... please. I begged at the airport and all I know next is I was there, crying, helpless, begging him to stay, I was suffocating..I was in pain both physical and emotional pain. help me, I need you. please stay, these were my last words to him. he pushed me away, and left. I wasn't strong enough, it was not in my blood, strength was not in my blood. I looked through my phone, he blocked me. I was there, siting on the floor, crying for straight 2 hours. I felt so weak, so helpless. all i wanted was a hug, all I wanted was jonah. jonah jonah jonah, that was all my mind was repeating. I just wanted his touch, his smell, his warmth, just him. All I had were these pictures and my tears.
I met jonah 5 years ago, and from the moment when I saw him under the bridge talking to his friends, I knew he is what I've been waiting for. I didn't know then, he would completely destroy me, but that is exactly what my heart wanted. we were ravelled, we were complete. I was complete with him. I want him back now, but I can't. we both were just, just so happy. it was like the movies, it was beautiful. all I ever asked for, was jonah. my whole life was around him. he knew I was so madly in love with him. you must be thinking what went wrong?
it was that text, that terrible text that left me all crying shedding tears on the grave of regrets. he texted, he wanted to talk. he said, he don't want to see my anymore, and he is bored with me already. I started laughing, stop playing jonah, I said as i was laughing but that dead serious look in his eyes just, just stole my smile, and till today, I don't think I've ever smiled. He said, he got a new job in florida, and he wants to start a new life. my whole life fell crashing down as he spoke word after word and another. I wasn't crying. I was shocked. I couldn't hear what he was saying anymore, he just pushed me away then, pushed me again at the airport.
today, I saw him again. its been 2 years since he left, and today, I saw him. the moment I saw him, I knew I would fall back into his arms if he tried. I never moved on, I don't think I can. but this time, I was sure of not going back to what broke my heart. those 8 letters will not melt me now, I will not be weak, I told myself. I looked him right in his eyes, with the most fearless eyes deep eyes I could ever have. he had guilt in his eyes, he tried to talk to me, but. but this was about me this time.
I pushed him away, just the way he did.