I was staring at my right middle finger, where I'd gotten a cut from mishandling a knife almost a week before. I don't want to experience the agony of this cut. That's why I wrapped it in a plastic strip for three days until I was certain the pain couldn't be felt, which it is. I no longer need the plastic strip to wash the dishes. It was only a minor cut, but I made a big deal out of it.
I can't feel the pain anymore, but my finger has a scar. It is very noticeable. Then I realized that this scar is similar to the scar on my heart. When I think of a specific person, the pain fades, but the scar of memories remains.I'll never forget the beautiful things we've shared or the jokes we used to tell, but the feelings of love and longing are no longer with me.
How many times will I run into things that remind me of you? Is it not enough to forgive you for the things you've done without you asking for forgiveness? Will you haunt me in my dreams for the rest of my life because I was unable to ask you for the closure I deserve? Will I always wonder what I lacked that you didn't choose me? How many questions will go unanswered in my head because I lack the courage to ask them? Will these scars serve as a reminder of how much I miss you?
I guess you'll always have a place in my heart because you gave me the scars of insecurity, regret, and painful memories. Maybe I was too afraid to feel the pain of these scars, or maybe I was overthinking the possibility that they would remind me of my insecurities and unanswered questions. If time truly heals, I hope that these scars will fade without me noticing them. I hope that one day I won't have to remember the pain I've felt every time I see these scars. These will not be a reminder of my flaws. These scars will be evidence of my bravery in letting go of whatever we had in the past. These scars will serve as new beginnings in the absence of you.