I was content with the thought that both of us had progressed from where we were previously. The thing we had was so hazy that I couldn't say you were mine and I was yours. Things were blurry, and there were so many unanswered questions. We were so in love, but in an instant, the love faded and there's no trace of you left. You vanished without giving me any notice.
You showed up as if nothing had happened. You simply explained that you were preoccupied with your work. I made no complaint. I tried to comprehend everything because I care about you. I thought love would be enough to keep me going through the pain. I thought love would be enough to keep me in something where I don't know where I stand. I thought love would be enough to sustain my longing and overthinking in the face of all the disappointments you've given me. I erred by loving you more than the amount of love you gave.
Maybe you just assumed that I was madly in love with you and that I had the patience to wait for nothing. Do I have to blame myself for leaving you and not sticking to what we had? Why was I the one who abandoned you? Did you fail to recognize your flaws? Did you not notice your cold treatment before I decided to call it a day? I admit that I have some responsibility for what happened between us, but why can't you admit that you have some responsibility as well? Why am I the only one who has a bad side to your story?
I'm not sure how I'll feel now that I know you intend to propose to me when you return to the Philippines. I'm certain it's no longer butterflies in my stomach, but I'm not sure if it's hatred, guilt, or regret. What if I had to wait another year? I thought to myself. Then I remembered how I felt a year ago, when I was crying alone because of overthinking and feeling like I was never enough for anyone. I don't want to feel that way any longer.
I realized that giving you numerous chances is not the answer. I'm not writing this because I want us back. It's already a clear no. I'm writing this because I want to unblock something in my heart. I'd like to express the inexplicable feeling I had after hearing everything. Maybe we're not meant to be together, but I hoped that when we crossed paths again, we'd be able to exchange glances and genuine smiles. A smile that is devoid of pain and regret.