desperate

Insecure, hopeless, angry, tired, desperate, how just being annoyed while sleeping can make me so much angry like this. I cried. Because that is my sister, bc of all the money she has paid for me ? If it had not been her, would I have had yelled at that person? Because of $, I have to be quiet. Fuck off. How ppl can be selfish like that ? Being treated like a king, like a queen, and then treat others in the opposite way, like trash. Or I am such an impulsive and childish girl. I should not have been angry like that, I should have sat up and smiled and said ' Thank you for waking me up by annoying me while Im sleeping'. Its not about waking anyone up, its about respect. If you were me, do you want to be annoyed like that ? Is that the way you want to be treated ? If no, why did you treat others differently from the way you want to be treated ? If the answer is yes, I have to say we're not sister in blood, of course even not a family. I gradually hate silence and quiet though thats exactly what I defined myself as. My mom always keep quiet whenever she has different ideas from her children, including me. Because she wants to keep 'peace', because everyone cannot say what they think in what we call 'family' so as to keep other members happy bc if someone is not happy, he/she wont pay money for our stuffs, and our life will become impoverished. Now I think I understand why family is defined as ' a minimized model of society', bc who has more money, they have more right in everything. Money, money, money, money, I got it.