Dark room

Days have not been very easy lately. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning to the second I lay down at night, my mind is surrounded by dark clouds. I haven't seen any sunshine in the past month or so. It often rains down my eyes in the darkness of the night. Sometimes the rain is stained by the color of blood. Those nights are specifically difficult.

It is weird when I think about Those nights now. Such an array of mixed emotions. It's not that I want to stay in this darkness. I want my life to get better. I want to make efforts to make my life better.  I want to see Those sunshine. I want to be happy, her rid of the clouds and rain. Maybe there is sunshine outside. But these windows won't open. They tell me it's warm and sunny out there. They try to show me the light of optimism, but no matter how many times I try, the windows won't open. I can't see a door to get out. I can hear them calling out to me,  but none of them holds my hand to guide me out. I try to reach out, but I'm always clasping cold unforgiving air in my palms.

Why am I like this? Why can't I find a way out? It's been so dark and cold. I'm scared. It's so lonely yet it's never silent. These voices, they won't let me sleep. It ask me questions whose answer I don't know. It tell me things I don't like to hear. It say sad things about me, about my friends and family. It make me hate myself. Every time I try to find a door, or open the windows, it holds me back. I can't see anything now. I used to do so many things before. I loved hanging out with my friends, loved to sing and dance, I loved to love and be loved. But now I don't do anything. I can't go out. I can't meet up with anyone because they don't see me. I know they don't see me. They can't hear me. I try shouting out to them. But they won't help me. I can't hear myself sing anymore. I'm too tired to dance anymore. I still love to love, but no one wants my love. I want to be loved, but no one loves me anymore. 

It's been getting darker. It is always raining. These voices, it won't shut up. But nowadays it say something else. It tells me that I should get out of the darkness. It tells me to be free. It still won't let me open the windows, but it's been showing me a door. It's a small door. It goes down instead of outside. I've never seen this door before. I don't know where it leads to, but they tell me that this is the only way out. I'm scared because the voice gets louder day by day. I can't hear anything else anymore. I can't hear my friends calling me, or my family loving me. Am I all alone? I'm so tired. I don't want to stay here anymore. I have to go out. I have to make these voices stop. Who is it?

Wait a minute. I see someone. It's right there. In the corner. I'm waking towards it. 

What? 

No it's not possible !

It's a mirror! It's just me?

But this person. I don't remember looking like this. So weak, so malnourished. I can see it's bones through its skin. It's eyes sunken like the submarine. It doesn't even look alive, more like a zombie. It's saying something again but I can't hear it. For the first time when I want to hear it, it's ghostly silent. What is it trying to say? I hear something....

Choose?

Choose what?

The door? What door?

There are 2 door? Oh yes. I see.  There is. One goes out and other goes down. 

But the doors won't open.

It's open?

It's been open all this time??

Yes. It is indeed open. I just have to go out. It says that the front door leads me back to my life, to my family, to my friends, the songs, the sunshine. The other leads to a place where there is no pain. No one ever feels pain there. It's always peaceful. It's brighter than the sunshine. I really want to see it. Can I really open the door? 

Okay I'm going to try. I see the know. It was right, it really is not locked. I can open it. I just have to walk out. 

Finally. It's so peaceful here.  It's so bright that I can barely open my eyes,  but it feels nice. It smells like my favourite chocolate and a mind numbingly beautiful music is filling my heart with peace. I like it. It's so serene. The only problem is, I'm all alone. But atleast I'm free.