Void

Waking up early in the morning has always been difficult for me. Ever since the day the sun doesn't shine on me anymore, I feel like I don't need to meet its rays at 6 AM. I feel it's not my responsibility to wake up early and do quite nothing but sail into the void. Only that I have been this way for many years but the anticipation of getting up early haunted me in every daydreams I've been to.
There were days when I feel like withering away, times that I detach myself from reality and the people I love, and moments that I let nothingness spread into my mind.
It's frightening, but the silence formed in between the heavy sighs and the weight of my heavy heart became somewhat bearable. And I learned how to deal with it for a long while now. Although the feeling's not always there, but somehow, it stays.

"Live with it,"
I cried to my mind. I believe that I should be the only person to figure this out. I believe I'm the only one responsible for all this mess. I believe I must fix what's broken.
I've lived almost as alone as these thoughts lingering at the back of my head. The monsters that rose from the dead, they are nothing compared to the ones we carry in our hearts. No one's going to say that it's a pleasant feeling to endure. Not one in the world would be okay with this. I, too, am never going to be fine in this kind of life no matter how tolerable it can be, I'll always want anything else beside this emptiness.
I'll always dream of a life where there is no need to stand suffering. I fully know I can bring it to fruition, yet I don't know how long I'd be able to brave myself without anyone to harbor this dreadful imagery.

If trying to wake up early is a curse I have to live by, then I choose not to wake up anymore.

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