A Confession From The One Who Was Betrayed

This is my confession to make.

The last year of being a high school student was tough not knowing what lies beyond after that. I was afraid to grow up. I was not ready to face any responsibilities. I wanted have fun and play games— I mean, literal games where I could laugh with my friends and get our faces muddy or play in the rain.

But that won't be the focus of my confession.

This confession is how I met a friend in the last year of being a high school student and how everything fell apart: the friendship, connection and trust.

First day of school– back in 2014, I saw a lot of familiar faces inside the classroom. Most were my classmates when I was in junior year.

(I live somewhere in asia where high school can be taken up to 4 years only. Freshmen which were the 1st year students, Sophomores which were the 2nd year students, Juniors which were the 3rd year students then lastly, the Seniors after that– college.)

Chatting with old friends and getting to know new people is something we do when it's first day of school.

Then there is this one girl, she wasn't talkative at all. She was quite, observing the four corners of the room. She was a new face we've seen in the classroom, alright. She sat in the front row seat together with us but she didn't bother talking to us until my friend started to chat about Kpop.

Right there, she started to join the conversation not minding she was new. Our group conversation went smooth. I got to know her name and how she started to like Kpop but something inside me felt so wrong. I could see in her face and in her eyes that she's lonely– that she needed a friend. Maybe because people are afraid of her.

My classmates were afraid of her because she had a very bad temper. When I say, VERY BAD, I mean it. One time at our classroom, there was someone talking to her on the phone and she got really mad and started punching the concrete wall. Her hand was swollen and was full of bruises. We were all left horrified. How can a girl be punching some wall when I can't even imagine myself having paper cuts?

I knew what I was going to do. I wanted to be her friend. I was left by the thought of her not having somebody to understand her. I thought that maybe a friend is what she needed at that moment.

Weeks and months went by, she started to talk to me about her life. She started talking about her cool friends, about the sports she was in, about all the competitions she have joined and won, about how popular her fiction story she was getting. Her stories made me realized that my life was plain and not-so-interesting but I was fine. She even told me I was the first friend that she was comfortable sharing things.

I was in awe everytime she talked about how amazing her life is– not thinking in the slightest moment that maybe it was all bullshit. I considered her my friend, a sister-by-heart even— a good friend wouldn't lie to you, right?

Let's skip the high school part because all she did was talk about her amazing life. Then college.

The most undecided years of my life. I took up a course that I wasn't so sure about then she decided to take it too, just like me, she was unsure. I thought it would be great since I knew her already and knowing about how college will give you mental breakdown— I thought that, maybe it would be easy for the both of us to depend on one another.

Even after we started college, the story of her life was not done. She keeps on blabbering about her life, about how she was accepted in a foreign school but she chose a school that was near, about how she attended music and language lesson, about how she went to a foreign country. I didn't mind it though because I kept on believing on her.

She was bullied, some of our senior co-majors talked behind her back and I was even included. They would make fun of us. As for her, they would make fun about her stories, how bullshit it is and that they refused to believe her. And as for me, they would make fun of me because they thought I kept on supporting her lies.

Because I kept on insisting that what she was telling was nothing but the truth even though I didn't have any evidence to prove it. The reason why I kept on protecting her was because— she's my friend and a sister-by-heart. That even if the world wouldn't believe on her, I would. That she would never do such thing, which is to lie.

Never have I ever thought of her a liar or a great pretender. Never have I ever thought that all her stories was bullshit. I believed in her. I trusted her like my very own sister. So no matter how the bullies dragged us down, I never thought of anything negative about her.

Then one day, I had enough of everything. We had a huge but silent fight. I knew it was huge because I started to ignore her. I started to hate her presence. I even regretted the very first time I trusted her. I was hurt.

Trusting that one person and treating them like you own sibling would totally fuck you up when they break your trust, right? I didn't know what I have done to deserve such treatment. All I did was to befriend her and trust her but I didn't knew how much it would gave me a damage. The friend I thought I knew, well, I didn't know her at all. It was like shredding another skin of an onion.

Before we graduated she admitted she lied about her stories, about her sports, about all the competitions and about visiting a foreign country. She was sorry and even asked us forgiveness, that she only lied to have friends. Lucky for her, others have understood her reason and that she was forgiven.

But I wasn't cool with it, not a single nor a thousand sorry could fix my emotions BECAUSE I was betrayed by and lied to, when all my intention was to trust and to make a friend. But the pain was there and the damage had been done. I had a hard time coping then after that, I accepted eveything even though I didn't received the apology and explanation I think I trully deserve but I'd rather let her keep it for herself.

As for now, we are in a separate ways after we graduated. We are still friends but not that close because the trust was and is gone. The 'friendship' tying both of us are the three girls remaining in our group. If it was not for them, I would have cut her off in my life.

Let this be a lesson to y'all. Never lie just to impress your friends or to have more friends, specially when your friends' intention is good. Real friends would always accept you for who you are even if you wear ugly clothes or you even if you are ugly. Real friends don't care about that shits. It's about memories (idiotic or not), trust, and how strong friendship with them that makes you and your friends real.