Thank God, it was over..

I knew it right from the start that something's wrong. The way we talked, the way we spent our special days, the way you do your efforts, there would always be something that's missing. I wasn't able to figure it out right away and I kept on wondering what's going on between us. I kept on pretending that I was fine because if I don't, then, our relationship will be at risk.

I wanted you to persuade me back then when I'm not in the mood. I wanted you to be consistent of greeting me "Good morning" and "Goodnight" or just an "I love you" everyday wouldn't hurt, right? I wanted you to greet me on time whenever our special day comes. I wanted you to spoil me with your love and attention. I wanted you to be more understanding whenever I was dealing with my mood swings. I wanted you to be honest with me because I was just here willing to understand, as always. I wanted you to do your part as my boyfriend.

You knew I wasn't into expensive and lavishly gifts. I just want your time, your effort, your consistency, your love and attention. I wanted a simple movie date with you. I wanted to receive a simple hand-written letter coming from you. I wanted to have a long walks with you. I wanted us to star-gaze at night and enjoy each other's company. I wanted us to have an adventure together, where I can hold your hand and where you can hold mine. I wanted you to know me and my family more because I knew they would like you. I wanted the old-school. But you were different.

Despite of your paucity of being an old-school, I accepted you. You were the opposite of what I wanted but it was okay because not every people are same.

I was more patient and understanding to make our relationship longer even though it was not balance. But the longer we stayed, the more toxic you became and the more pain I felt. I stayed quite even though deep inside I wanted to scream because I wanted our relationship to work. I thought that if I could just endure it a little bit, we will surpass this 'little bumpy ride' we've got. But I was wrong, again.

As I was holding you tight, you were slowly slipping away on your own. Where did I go wrong? Was there a missing piece I needed to solve? Was I the problem?

I couldn't take it anymore and enduring it wasn't the best idea at all so I asked you.. "Are you tired of me?" you answered.. "I think so." My heaven and hell collapsed because it wasn't the answer I was expecting. But it was your answer, I needed to respect it.

After that conversation, we stayed together as if the conversation didn't exist. But it kept on haunting me in all aspects of my life. It was slowly ruining me. You have noticed me changing and it was a big deal to you. Have you ever thought of yourself changing but all I did was to understand you? It wasn't even a big deal for you to change but to me.. I just couldn't get it.

I was sick of our constant fights. We were getting cold. I knew I couldn't fix US because you were not helping me. It has to end, I thought to myself. I wanted you to give me one simple reason to stay but you gave me hundreds of reasons to give up on you. Maybe you wanted it all along, you wanted space, you wanted peace and maybe you wanted me to let go of you. Or maybe I wasn't the one you were looking for in the first place? It was hard to decide whether to stay or to go because my mind kept telling me that I needed to go while my heart wanted me to stay. But the pain was too much so before you end up everything between us, I broke up with you. "Let's end this.", this is what I said to you because I was afraid, it might hurt me a lot if those words came from you.

It wasn't easy and it hurts but I really don't have a choice. I don't want to cause you headaches and I don't want you to cause me pain. As we separated our ways without a proper closure, I thought to myself.. "You cannot force someone to stay with you because if they really wanted to stay with you, you don't need them to give you some reasons because they will prove it to you. You don't have to beg because they will give it to you. You don't have to make such big efforts because if someone truly loves you, YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR THEM." And thank God, it was over.