A Eulogy to My Past

You were sweet, you were bitter and at times you left me astound.

You gave me memories to cherish and then you gave me memories that’ll forever hound.

I’m both, happy and sad that you’re no more around,

But, mostly happy because you’ve given me pain in numerous ways and instances, now that I recount.

But, having known you my dear past I know you won’t let go off me so easily,

For it’s the sadist pleasure that you’ve always loved deriving from turning my present into a living misery.

You’ll find ways to remind me that you were once there,

And therefore, you’ll send your ghost every now and then to never let me live peacefully.

Restless as a wee baby I know you’ll remain,

Because even the wisest men have known that you can’t be taught or tamed.

You’ll urge others to keep you as their secret weapon,

And, to your luck most will! Because we live in a world that is not so forgetful and is as unforgiving & insensitive as you are and hence eagerly awaits an Armageddon.

Friends, family and foes.... irrespective of the bond I share, will continue to hold you close.

And, when the moment comes you’ll make sure that their words turn into piercing daggers and slashing swords.

You’re probably oblivious to how your spell on my loved ones will drive me away from them,

They’ll hold on to me only if you’ll let them.

But, having known you for quite some time now, I realize how voicing my fears and concerns are only going in vain.

Because your callous soul cares for none and never from hurting me will you abstain.

Maimed souls, broken hearts and frightening memories are what you’ll probably feed on for eternity,

And, yet you’ll continue to find a new prey for the sake of your whims, fancies and intentionality.

Your obsession with my life is well known and old,

But, just so you know..... In all this, you’ll have me turned into a warrior that this world will ever witness.

I’ll have the soul of a dragon and a heart of gold.

So, do not boast about your power too much, because you know not what my brave-heart enfolds.

I’m not as vicious as you,

Neither am I armed enough,

But, I do know that only can those survive who stand tall amidst a life that’s going rough.

And so, I’ll wear a smile like I always do and with beaming eyes gaze at you; while you stand on the doorway to the other side of the world, pretending to have a last laugh while I bid you adieu.

So I write a eulogy to you, hoping that I never have to see you.

Someday, I’ll come to terms with my present and decide to reconcile with you.

Not because I have a soft corner for you, but because I want to be able to not just rest in peace after I die but be able to find peace within while being alive too.

Until that moment, may god be with you.

But before I bury you in some unknown corner of my mind, I wish to express my gratitude for all that you were, have been and would be.

Hadn’t it been for you, I wouldn’t have learnt to see myself as that strong shoulder for self-support and guidance that I could be.

Your mere thought still makes me cringe, cry, scream, regret and sulk. That’s how ruthless and cold you were to me, my past.

But, I promise you that with time I shall forget and laugh about you, and not think about you at all. I’ll have the colours in my life permanently erase your overcast.

And, this is my eulogy to you my dear! Dear past.