A LETTER TO 3AM

     Dear 3 am,

        We should break up. We have got to stop meeting this way. I  would much rather sleep with you. I know you are lonely but I am just not that into you anymore. 

         Yes, we used to be friends, back in days when I fell in love with 3 am phone calls. I loved you more but you don't have to love me. Now that part of me feels nothing like it once used to be. And now when we meet it's never enjoyable. Sleep never follows after we meet. I toss and turn hoping for it, but it never returns. It's like a war between dreams and reality. The realities which are hard to swallow.

         It doesn't happen every day. But some days are harder to move. And today is one such day. I sit in my room with nothing but a tiny glow of light. It is raining outside. I can hear it pattering on my windows. All around me is darkness. I stare coldly into the abyss of the space around me. When I close my eyes all I see are memories hidden deep inside my soul. I curled up in my bed I can't sleep. With me lies loneliness, silence, and quietness.

         3 am is not only for the ones who smile their way to a nice comforting sleep. 3 am is not for the ones who are happy, loved and confident. 3 am is for the broken destroyed ones who are ripped apart by the ones they loved. 3 am is for the ones who are constantly in battle with demons in their heads. 3 am is for the ones who stares impassively into ceiling wishing someone will fix them. 

           I hate this horrifyingly blank times you give me. You dropped by completely unannounced expecting me to party these nights away with you. Now I just can't see things working out between us. We both seem to want different things. At this point, I just want to shut my eyes and get some sleep. I am a mess now. My schedule is all fucked up. I am not able to function normally. I hate you more than I hate sushi or the word "moist" or having to wake up for my 8 am class. I hate that you make me second guess every single word that comes out of my mouth.  I hate that you can steal away my appetite, my ability to sleep at night, and my happiness.  I think most of all I hate that you appear at moments unnoticed. You are an unwelcome guest constantly poking at me whenever I think things might be okay.

       It's 7 in the morning. I need to go with my day now hiding the feeling you gave me. So I am here to tell you that you're just too much of trigger. I can't have you around. You've gotta go. It's time to let me go dear. I am done looking my lost stars in your dark crevices. It's not working out for us anymore. I can't say I am going to cherish the time we spend together but I can say it's been an eye-opening experience. We have had a tumultuous run for a while. And I know that you will rear your ugly head every now and again but you no longer have any business calling my mind your home.

Sincerely,

A tired girl.

P.S. Bother someone who can actually make you work for them and not against them.