It's funny how I always treat the part of me that still loves you as my alternate self. It's the part of me I'd like to bury deep in my past because it won't let go of you. But I can't handle that pain. You leaving is one thing and letting you go is another. I guess there will always be this part of me that cannot be separated from you. It'll always be yours.
And, while I hold someone else in my arms at night, there will always be a space for you in my heart.
And though I let someone else make love to me on lonely nights, no touch will ever feel like yours.
Because you're the "the one that got away" that people always talk about. And even now, if I could go back, I'd do it all again with you even when it'll lead us to the same dead end, I would if that means I could be with you again. And babe, you can break this heart a million times again in another lifetime but I will find you again in the next one.
That's how I loved you and how I will always love you.
I didn't know life would be this unfair. How can it let our lines meet and separate it forever? How can it let our hearts love one another only to force it to an end?
I never wanted to let you go, but I had to for you. Because while you were the air I breathe, it suffocated you in return; while you put life in my eyes, I didn't know I was draining the colors from yours. I didn't know I was a hindrance to your growing. I didn't know we were wrong.
I'm sorry if I was ever a torture to your emotions; if I ever had your thoughts invalidated. I'm sorry for all you went through I had no idea about and if you had to set it aside to cater mine. I'm sorry if in the process of loving you, I became the selfish one. I made you responsible for all my brokenness and expected you to fix it when all along, it was supposed to be me.
I should've stopped pouring when your cup overflowed. I should've used what's left to fill mine. Maybe then, we could've saved us. Maybe then, I could've helped you put the pieces back together. If only I had used the time you've given me to think things through, we could've met on the same page. If only I wasn't too fed up with my trust issues and believed the love you kept convincing me about, it could've just been another passing problem.
But all the "if only", "could've been" and "should have" do not matter now. You're gone now. Though people always tell me that it's never too late, it is for us now. There's nothing else we can do but to keep moving forward now; keep moving farther and farther from each other.
It's been more than a year now and all I ask is for you to forgive me for all these things. I needed a lot of time to grow this much and finally keep up with you. But sadly, we missed the timing again.