A Mother's Soul

“Daniel you have to sell it. There is no other way. It’s been more than a year now. You are deep in loans till your neck and the only graph that your company is progressing towards at a rapid rate is the graph of downfall. You are losing your employees and all that you have earned in these years. I can’t help you anymore, I gave you as much as I could, I have no more money left to lend to you” Amy kept trying to explain the same facts about Daniel’s life like every day to him but he just kept looking out of his window at the birds on his neighbor’s roof, they had built a nest at the small corner near the chimney opening. He had watched them collect twigs for days and now finally the mother bird had laid an egg, she sat in her cozy nest warming up the egg, providing her baby all the safety and comfort she could while the male bird kept bringing food for her at regular intervals and kept her fed. His thoughts drifted back to his childhood days when his mother, his sister Amy and he used to live in a small house in between the meadow. His mother worked hard in the fields to grow crops and sell them in the market. It was just a half hour’s walk from the house and on the other side of the house not quite far away was a beautiful lake.

He remembered his mom playing hide and seek with him in the crisp summer evenings, she would hide away from him in places that he was afraid to visit, especially the barn and when he couldn’t find enough courage in himself to go there he would just sit at the door of the house and cry till she came out from her hiding place and embraced him in a tight hug. “Why do you always hide in the barn mother, you know how afraid I am to go in there” he would say rubbing the tears from his cheeks with his tiny hands. “So that I can face whatever is in there first, so that I can make it a safer place for you son but I can’t be brave for you my boy, you have to gather the courage to face your fears to be a strong and brave boy and that’s why I hide in there so that someday you will find the courage to come and find me there. You trust mommy right, I would never ask you to put yourself in trouble for me dear, I had rather face all the difficulties myself before letting them go through you.” She had explained to him one day. The next day he had gathered up some courage and he finally made it into the barn only to find his mom standing there smiling in the middle of all that hay on the floor, her arms outstretched to wrap Daniel in a hug. Since that day the barn had become one of his favorite places to hide. “Daniel!! Are you even listening?? That house is falling apart, there is no one to maintain it out there” Amy shouted completely losing her temper. Daniel calmly turned his face towards her and replied “I won’t sell it. We have spent our entire childhood there, I have had so many good memories bound to that house. I can’t let go of it. I will take some more loan for my company, I will think of some other way.” “Did you not listen at all to what I just blabbered in front of you since an hour? You can’t take any more loan from the bank you already owe them a lot of money and you have no other way out since you have already sold your car and your house. You don’t even have money to pay the rent for this tiny flat that you are staying in right now!” Amy shouted with all the energy she had left. Daniel just nodded his head, got up and opened the front door for her and waited there. She stared at him with astonishment and then picked up her purse, grabbed her coat and banged the door behind her furiously as she walked out murmuring” I don’t believe that this guy is my brother.”

Daniel picked up his letters from his small mailbox outside the door on his side wall and checked them out. Mostly all of them were from the bank or other companies which were probably asking him to pay for their losses due to his project ideas. He opened one and it clearly notified that if he wouldn’t repay his loan in ten days his entire property would be taken under bank custody. He crumbled the paper and threw it into his bin across the room. “I need a break from all this, I need some space to think about a way to get out of this mess” he told himself. He picked up the phone and dialed a number “Hello sir, I was just about to call you. I hope you remember about your meeting with the Orient company is scheduled for today at…” his assistant informed him. “Cancel all my meetings and appointments for a week from today Elena” Daniel ordered his assistant.” But sir, it’s important, if you…” Daniel cut the line and began packing his suitcase.

“Thanks for letting me borrow your car man” Daniel appreciated. “Don’t thank me man, you always helped me when I needed it and this is just a small way of repaying you for all that you have done for me.” Jake replied with respect in his eyes for Daniel. He had been his only friend from the beginning of his city life and had always admired Daniel for his generous and kind nature towards the people he loved. Jake loved Daniel as his own brother. “See you Jake.” Daniel shook Jake’s hand with a firm grip.” See you, take care of yourself, everything’s going to be okay!” Jake reverted back the handshake with a tight brotherly hug.

Daniel drove through the beautiful valleys and lush green fields running along the roads as far his eyes could see. He smelled the fresh pleasant breeze and as it filled his lungs he felt weightless, as if all his worries and troubles had been left behind him and the place he was in now only knew of happiness. He could now see the meadow a few miles ahead of him as he started to drive downhill. He slowed down his car at the curve towards the fencing of his house and turned in to park it near the door. He got down his car, and watched the meadows and fields ahead of him. It was filled with purple and white wild flowers peeking out from in between the long green ferns. He turned around and gazed at his house while squinting his eyes and shading them from the warm sunny sky. It was a two storied house with his and Amy’s room on the upper floor and his mom’s room opposite to their room on the same floor. He looked at his window and remembered sitting there in his room gazing out into the meadows during the evenings while Amy would go out cycling with her friends and mom would cook him his favorite snacks and soups which he could smell across his room as well. He smiled and went ahead and unlocked the door with his keys.

He entered inside and saw the house covered with dust and spider webs. The walls seemed moist and cracked. The furniture had been covered with white bedsheets and so he hoped that they hadn’t caught as much dust. He went over into the small hall and opened up the window to let out the musty smell. He then walked over to the kitchen in the room right next to the hall, his stomach grumbled at the thought of food, especially the ones that his mother used to cook for him. He then realized that he had not brought anything to cook neither had he munched on anything during the journey. “I will have to visit the market in sometime if I don’t want to starve to death.” He thought to himself. He climbed the stairs which lead up to his room and they groaned and creaked as he took each step. He stepped into his room, all the things were still in their places. He hadn’t taken anything with him when he shifted to the city for finding a job except for a bag with two or three pair of clothes. “You stay safe okay my boy, watch out for yourself and if ever you need me just write to me and I will be there as soon as I can!” Mother had told him while clasping his grown up manly face between her hands and trying to stop her tears from rolling down her cheeks, since her eyes still saw the face of her small sweet little son in between her hands. “Don’t worry mother you have taught me how to fight my fears and trust me you have taught me well. Now I will write to you to call you there only after I have found a job and bought a beautiful place for you to stay.” Daniel had kissed her forehead and said his goodbyes to her and Amy after that, but he dint forget his promise and he kept his words. It had taken him 2 years to open up his own company of advertisement and reach the top of the ladder, he had gone through hell to reach there. He had slept on the park benches and eaten left over food from the plates of customers at a restaurant at which he had worked for a while as a waiter. He had been thrown out of his flat because his roommate kept bringing his friends over every night and they would drink all night with loud music on and one night they had even tried stealing Daniel’s hard earned money while he had been at work. He had realized what had happened when he entered to see his room in a mess and couldn’t find his savings in his drawers. He had fought with his roommate and his friends to take back his money. He had managed to somehow get back the money from them but they had beaten him up real bad and had run away after the neighbors had called the police due all that noise.

After going through all that he had managed to excel in his field and then he had bought a bungalow for himself. Designed and furnished by the best interior designers. That night when he sat in his luxurious bedroom he wrote to his mother asking her to keep her bags ready as he would be coming over to pick her and Amy and bring them to his new place. “I have finally made you proud mother, I have earned enough money to keep us all happy for ages now. You will never have to work in those fields day and night to sell crops and earn for our living. It’s time that I took care of you now like you have been doing till now.” He wrote in his letter, tears filled up his eyes while he wrote it and his mother had realized that well enough while reading it by seeing the blotch marks of pen on the paper. Little did he know that she had already felt that pride when the nurse had handed Daniel in her arms for the first time, he dint need to prove anything to her for her happiness was all about getting to meet her son and be with him from now, knowing that he is near her, feeling that he will be safe was all that mattered to her. She had kept that letter in her box of treasures and hidden the box in her cupboard after which she began to pack her small bag of clothes. When she had seen Daniel waiting in his suit beside his car she had hugged him and told “Daniel, my son, you look so handsome! Just like your father.”

He looked out of his room’s window and gazed into the field and meadows like he did during his childhood. He suddenly spotted a woman in a typical red farm dress plucking flowers in the field. “Hey, you” he called out to her opening the window in his room. She dint seem to notice. He ran downstairs over the creaking stairs and headed out of the door. He walked towards the girl and called out to her again” Hey you in the red dress!” She looked over at him this time. “This is a private property you know and I hope you realize that you are trespassing.” He warned her stopping in his way still a few feet away from her. “And who are you to tell me that? When you yourself are breaking into this old house?” she accused him. “What? No I am the owner of this house, I have the keys you see” he dangled the keys in his arms raising them over the tall ferns so that she could see them. “The owner of this house was an old lady who lived with her daughter and she has been gone for years now. I don’t remember any man living here with her.” ” Yes, but she also had a son you see who’s a man now and that man had left at an early age to earn enough for his mother and now that man is standing in front of you.” He wearily explained. “Daniel, oh my god, I couldn’t recognize you at all” she said with a smile on her face as she approached Daniel.

Daniel gave a frown and walked towards her to get a better view of her. Now he stood just a feet away from her and he looked at her with amaze. She had light brown eyes and brunette hair which she had tied up into a high bun over her head, small strands of hair wiped over her face as the wind blew. She had a beautiful smile and although she wore a very plain red dress her figure seemed to stand out in it quite well. “I am sorry but who are you?” he managed to ask her after quite some time. “Daniel, it’s me, Leah. We used to play together at times near the lake, remember?” She chirped with a smile while Daniel tried to remember. He had a vague memory of playing around the lake near his house with a girl, she lived near the market area and used to visit the lake often. “Oh, Leah, well you… you look so pretty now!” he almost choked on his words. “I was pretty even then, you just dint have the eyes to see it” she said with confidence as she walked past him with a basket full of wild flowers in one of her hands. “What are you going to do with those flowers?” Daniel asked her curiously. “I sell them. I make a flower bouquet out of them and some other flowers that I pick up at the lake, not everyone is lucky enough to live in a city and earn like a millionaire you know. This is what I do for a living while my parents grow crops” she continued walking. “Hey I dint get lucky okay, I have worked really hard to reach the position that I have reached, it dint just happen overnight.” Daniel revolted walking up to her. “Who said I was talking about you? I was just talking about city people in general” she hid her smile as she teased him. Daniel walked beside her and tried to come up with something else to talk talk to her about and then it crossed his mind “Hey, could you help me get to the market because I need to buy some stuff to eat and survive on while I stay here” he waited for her reply after asking, trying to read her face. “It is a straight road to the market from here, I don’t think you will need me, you can’t get lost until and unless you lose your mind and crash into a tree or something.” She replied with a smirk. “That’s right but then you would miss the opportunity of a lift in my car.” He pointed out to his car after saying that. Leah bit her lip and thought for a second and said “Okay, that seems like a fair deal. Let’s go then.”

Daniel drove up to the market, they reached in less than 15 minutes although Daniel drove as slow as he could ignoring the irritated glare from Leah time and again as he drove. After reaching the market Leah helped him buy some essential vegetables, fruits and spices that he would need to cook them. He also bought some eggs and bread for breakfast.” Do you know how to cook any of these” Leah asked him doubtfully. “You learn a lot when you live all by yourself in a city” he replied back. “Good then, I won’t have to come over to help you with that then” she said as she began to walk towards her bouquet shop. Daniel smacked his face with regret and called back at her “Leah, you could help me with cleaning up you know, after your job is done here!” “Don’t you learn to clean all by yourself as well when you live in a city?” she asked him while turning her head around towards him. “We do but not half as good as you women can do it” he tried to convince her. “I will think about it city boy” she said, this time turning around completely and then waving him goodbye.

He sat on the old ragged sofa looking at the clean hall. He had cleaned the hall and dusted off all the clothes outside the house after washing them in water, he had forgotten to get any soap. He then started cleaning the kitchen since he had been on an empty stomach since morning and it was past 3.30 pm now. He got it all clean along with washed dishes and began to make some gravy and rice for himself. He had just finished eating when he heard a knock on the door. He opened it and beamed to see Leah waiting out there.” I got you some soap to clean the dirty clothes and bedsheets and to wash the dirty dishes as well. I Dint get any soap for you to clean yourself so I guess you will have to bath with the dishwasher itself.” She said in a sarcastic tone. “Thank you, I needed those and don’t worry I have carried my own soap for bathing” he assured her.

They both cleaned up his room and Leah helped him wash the dirty bedsheets and put them to dry outside after Daniel tied an old rope on two sticks which his mother used to use as to tie the line. By the time they got done it was almost 9 pm and Leah said that she would have to leave now. Daniel thanked her for the help and walked her outside. He offered to drop her but she denied. He watched her walk to the market and then picked up the bedsheets before going inside. He felt really tired of all the cleaning and cooking that he had done. He spread the bedsheets over his bed nicely and then dropped on it. The bed squeaked with his weight. It felt like he had become that guy again who had just gotten into the city for a living. How did mother manage to do all this every day while also managing us? He slowly dozed off into a deep sleep while thinking about her. He saw her in the hospital bed, lying there looking lean and weak. “Daniel, where is Amy?” she asked in her low frail voice. “She is outside with the doctor mother, she is asking him how soon can we take you home with us.” He spoke as he held her hand. “Don’t lie to me, I won’t be coming home this time, I can feel it. I won’t be able to make it with this pain anymore son, I am going to meet your father soon” she spoke while looking up at Daniel as he started to lose control over his emotions and burst into tears catching her hand. Amy entered the room and pressed his shoulder with her hand, “we should let her rest Daniel” she whispered to him. “No. I won’t leave her alone, I am going to be right beside her, I won’t leave.” He cried as Amy and the doctors pulled him away. He felt his grasp loosen over her frail wrinkled hands, they seemed to be getting cold now, he looked at mother, she was hardly breathing. He felt her being pulled away from him, he shouted but he couldn’t hear his own voice “MOTHER” he suddenly woke up screaming. He saw a shadowy white light in front of him at first, he thought that he had almost heard a soft whisper. He rubbed his eyes and looked up again, this time closely, sunlight shined on to his eyes through the window as he looked up. He sat there for some time trying to think if he had really seen and heard something or had he just dreamed about it. He ran his fingers through his hairs shaking his head to let go off the creepy feeling and climbed out of his bed. His shirt was soaking wet in his sweat. He took a quick shower and made some scrambled eggs for breakfast. He then went to his mother’s room.

The door creaked open to reveal a small bed in the middle of the room with a bedside lamp on the side table as the only source of light in the room other than the sunlight entering into the room through the windows during daytime. He walked over to the cupboard sitting on the opposite wall of the room. He opened it and coughed as the dust flew out on his face. He cleared the air in front of him by waving his hands through it and then looked through the drawers. He found a picture of himself standing along with his Mother and Amy. He smiled at it and put it in his pocket. He looked for some more pictures and his hand hit on something hard. He pulled it back shaking of the pain from it and then peeked in the drawer to find out what had caused it. He carefully pulled out a small metal box with beautiful designs engraved over it. He opened it to see a handful of things in it. He picked up a ring at first, it dint have a real diamond on it but it still looked beautiful. It was the ring his father had proposed his mother with, he remembered hearing it from her and seeing it on her finger till she had got the news about him going missing during a secret army mission. She had stopped wearing it after that and he had never asked her why. He had never been able to meet his father, he had only heard brave stories about him from his mother. He knew that she loved him a lot from the way she spoke about him. He kept the ring back. He noticed his letter folded into a tiny piece so has to fit it in the box. The box also contained one of Amy’s beloved bracelet’s which she had outgrown once she became a teenager. He found another letter in it. He opened it and realized that it was addressed to his father, maybe she hadn’t got a chance to post it he thought as he began to read.

Dear Rob,

I write to you every week but never get a reply from you, I haven’t got any news from your military camp as well since a month. I hope that you are doing fine and will write back soon. Amy is doing fine and she has begun to talk again. She is not jealous of Daniel anymore. The nurse had told me that Amy would take time to get adjusted to him all the more because she wasn’t prepared for a little brother. I am very happy to have taken this decision with you. Daniel is a very happy and healthy baby. He smiles every time I mention about you to him, I think he will love you when you meet him. Claire visits once in a while to have a look at him but it’s very difficult for her to see her child being accepted by other parents although she knows that she wouldn’t be able to give him the kind of upbringing he deserves when your parents are not accepting the child without a father or marriage. It hurts me to see her this way but I also feel insecure when she holds him nowadays. It feels like Daniel is my own boy and I am afraid that Claire would want him back from me. I won’t be able to part ways from my son if that happens Rob. Claire says she will move away from here so that she doesn’t get pulled back to Daniel every time. I know it sounds selfish but I want her to go away as well, now that I have accepted Daniel. I hope to see you home soon and till then I will continue writing to you. Miss you dear.

Lots of love,

Rosalie.

Daniel sat there, with the letter in his hand not able to believe what he had just read. He wasn’t her son. She had lied to him all this while. Claire, his aunt was his real mother. His mother had mentioned about her once or twice but never told him the truth. His blood mother had given him away. How could she have been so stone hearted to do that? He had been believing and living a lie till today. His cheeks had turned red with anger and his eyes wouldn’t stop flooding with tears. He had the urge to destroy himself and everything around him to ashes. He took the letter, got out of the house and drove to the lake.

Leah walked from behind him and sat next him in front of the wide spread lake as he watched the water ripple while he threw pebbles and they skipped over the surface of the water. “I went to your house but no one answered the door so I thought you must be here.” I got you some delicious homemade pancakes” she spoke with excitement as she went to take them out from her picnic basket which she had carried. He looked at her with sad eyes. “What’s the matter? Is everything alright?” she asked with a worried look on her face. He handed her the letter “I just got to know that the woman who I thought of as my mother wasn’t my mother at all. And my real mother abandoned me because my real father had probably not accepted me and her” he smiled as he spoke as if laughing at his misery. Leah read the letter and looked at him with a confused look on her face “I don’t know what to say, but I think that both your mother’s were very strong to have done what they did” she ultimately spoke. “What? You think giving away her own child was a brave thing to do? And which mother lies to her son this way? Is this some kind of a joke to you Leah?” Daniel shouted at her, furiously. “No, of course it’s not. I said that for a reason. Claire gave you away because she knew she couldn’t give you a good life and upbringing. She had no one to support her through it and without any support or job how could she give you a fair enough life. She only did what was good for you. You think that it is easy for a mother to give away her baby to someone else. She thought about you and not about her own self, she must have faced so much all by herself and she dint let you go through any of it, she made sure that you get a happy life and the love of a family. While Aunt Rosalie accepted you as her own child and gave you the love of a mother even though she had a daughter from before. She never let you feel like you weren’t her child. She wasn’t your real mother but she gave you all that she could and brought you up into a nice human being. Children don’t have to come from you Daniel they have to go through you while they grow and learn. I used to love one of my teachers when I was small so much so that I used to call her mother and looked up to her for everything. I still meet her time and again because she has such a motherly warmth in her that it makes me feel comfortable and safe around her. I do love my mother as well but she has a different important place in my life. What I am trying to say is that you don’t need to have come from her womb to accept her as your mother, it’s the feeling that you get when you’re around her that makes her a mother to you.” She explained in her calm voice. Daniel stared at her for a while and then shouted again “then at least she could have told me the truth when I grew up and was mature enough to understand all this.” “And what difference what that have made. You would have reacted the same way you did now rather maybe even worse since you would have her in front of you to remove your frustration at her. But would it bring your real mother back? Or would it change the facts, no it wouldn’t. I know that you are hurt after reading all this and it’s a lot for you to take in but you will realize why they did so if you just think about it from their side as well” Leah tried to calm him down. “Oh right, it’s easy for you to say all that. You don’t know how hard I worked to give her all that I have earned, just so that she could be proud of me and live a happy life and she couldn’t even tell me the truth. Now I feel like I have lost a mother twice and have also realized that the mother I loved wasn’t even really mine? It’s so easy for you so sit here and give me long lectures about what is right and what is wrong while I try to cope up with my career loss and now this. I don’t need your stupid advices Leah because you will never understand what I am actually going through till it happens to you” He got up, lashing out at Leah removing all his anger on her. She just sat there frozen after hearing his harsh words and said “Yeah what do I know about losing a mother. I think I should leave you alone now. Goodbye.” And walked away leaving her basket beside him on the rocks. “Those are for you, eat them if you want to, or feed them to the village dogs, whatever suits you” she said in her stone cold voice before she left.

Daniel sat there thinking about what he had just done. He knew he had hurt Leah for no reason at all but he had so much anger in him that he had just exploded on Leah at the heat of the moment. He took out one of the pancakes and took a bite. They tasted delicious, it reminded him of his mother’s pancakes. Leah had been right about all that she had said but Daniel was too angry to accept it. Now that he had calmed down he realized that he owed her an apology, a rather huge one. He had gone out of limits while shouting at her and she had handled the situation so well by not reacting back like him.

He walked up to her house near the market and knocked on the door. Leah’s mother opened it and greeted him with a smile. She was a cute plump woman with wrinkles on her face and a soft voice” Hello Daniel, it’s so good to see you after so many years. Come on in.” she invited him. “No thank you Miss Hemming but I just wanted to return Leah’s basket. The pancakes were delicious. Thank you for the treat.” He appreciated. “Oh don’t thank me, Leah made them. She is an expert at cooking!” she exclaimed. “Well, is she home now?” he asked curiously peeking into the house without letting Miss hemming notice his intentions. “Oh no, she’s gone to the graveyard on the backside of the market.” She said with a sad expression on her face.” Oh, okay I will just meet her there then, thank you” he waved at Miss Hemming while trying to understand as to why would Leah visit the graveyard.

He walked till the graveyard and searched for her. It was almost 6.30pm and it would be dark soon. As his eyes explored the graveyard he spotted Leah sitting in front of two gravestones in her yellow dress with her back turned towards him. He walked over to her without making any noise to avoid startling her and stood behind her reading the first tombstone on his left which said “R.I.P. Reese Garret daughter of Leah and Michael Garett.” Right beside it was the tombstone of her husband Michael Garret. Daniel stood there stunned, behind her. “I lost them both in an accident” Leah said, turning her head towards Daniel. Daniel went ahead and sat beside her quietly, not saying a word. “She was only six, they had gone for a ride along the valleys when the car’s tire skid on a stone lying in the middle of the road and the car got imbalanced. It fell into the deep valley, they couldn’t even find their bodies.” She managed to speak as she choked on her tears.” I loved them both with all my heart. You were right, I don’t know what it is like to lose a mother but I do know what it is like to lose a young child and husband at the same time.” It’s been three years now and I still can’t get over the pain. But I have learned to live with it. I have accepted the fact that they are never going to come back but wherever they are they would want me to be happy. I know that your mother would want you to be happy as well no matter where you are, both of them would have wanted the same for you. You are so lucky to be having two mothers care for you although you couldn’t meet one but she always meant well. A mother’ soul is the most pure soul Daniel, she would trade away her life and her happiness for her children anytime. She has the most unselfish love for her child. And you have double of that love whether you can feel it or not.” She wept and wiped away her tears from her cheeks with her handkerchief. “A mother does not care about the money you give her or the life you give her, the very fact that Aunt Rosalie could stay with you in your own house made her so happy that she left everything of hers to be with you. Your achievements make her proud Daniel but it’s your wellbeing and love that completes her. If you are here to sell the house to compensate for your companies loss than do it. The things don’t matter, the memories do and you can relive them in your mind anytime you wish to. She would have wanted you to be happy and this is a mother’s thought” Leah whispered to him in her heavy voice from crying. He wiped away her tears and gave his shoulder to her to rest her head on it. “You are one of the strongest and bravest mother’s I have known Leah and I am very sorry to have hurt you” he said while pressing his hand on her shoulder.

The next day Daniel drove back to his office and signed the contract with the Orient Company that would take over his land and turn it into a poultry farm for their meat producing project. He then repaid some of his bank loans with the money from the contract in the next few days and started working on a new project with his fellow colleagues that was sure to give him enough profit to pay the rest of his bank loans and get his company back on track. He had been doing this all to keep his mother happy but what he had not realized is that her happiness lied within him, his happiness is what made her happy. He had called up Amy and had apologized for his behavior towards her. She had acted strange at first not understanding the reason behind the change in his behavior but had forgiven him after a while.

That night he went to sleep in his small apartment bed with a light feeling in his chest, things were slowly falling back in place now and he had a big reason to thank Leah for it. He had asked her if she would like to come live in the city with him before leaving and she had agreed after a lot of convincing. He had promised to bring her here after putting things back into place just like he had promised his mother. He rested his head on his pillow while looking at his mother’s treasure box which he had bought along with him and he slowly dozed off to sleep. “I am so proud of you my son, I will always love you” his mother said waving her hand over his head as he looked up to her with his drowsy eyes and smiled at her in his sleep, “I love you too mother” he said while his voice slowly floated away as he closed his heavy drowsy eyes again thinking of it as a dream.