A Past Revisited

The screen of a laptop flashed away the darkness of the room as I am answering the assignment our teacher gave me. “Just like the tools for Sanders huh?”, I murmured. As I was observing the things around me, while trying to write this essay, of course, I have noticed the item that I was most acquainted with. Without this item, I would never have discovered my passionate self. And this item is in front of me, giving notifications about my chatmates, and displaying a specific symbol when I push a button on it.

I can still remember the times when I was first exposed to a computer. Its operating system was Windows 98, and it was the era where Windows XP was the most awesome tool mankind has ever invented. Our trusty old desktop computer has a bulky retro design if you compare it to today’s computers. It has a monitor looks like a mini TV, a rectangular CPU with a floppy disk reader, and a wired mouse that has a trackball inside. Oh, how I despised that sneaky trackball, as it always jams the pointer when it got too loose. I also remember my dad working with a floppy disk that looked like a very thin slice of a loaf bread that comes in many different colors, as my dad used to work with them for storage of his students’ grades. I remembered my first game Starcraft, a space-themed war game wherein you control a faction (either the human Terrans, the monstrous-looking Zerg, or the otherworldly Protoss) and pit them against each other. I used to cry when my dad suddenly leaves the house without entering a cheat, as the poor boy struggles against the rude A.I. it battles. My parents often called the creatures in the game in funny names, like the deadly kagang (crab). We also had the old Dynabomber, a Bomberman-type game my mom loved and hated at the same time. She’s always stumped at a level wherein she gets destroyed by the blast of her own bombs (that’s why she limits her blast range powerup) or ran out of time in defeating a boss. I remember lipsyncing the funny looking creatures, making sounds as our speakers don’t work, and I remember the slight pain I acquired from that game as I can never get to pass that river stage, two stages below my mom’s infamous stage. Damn those annoying fast tigers.

I remembered being slightly disappointed on the computer, as the speaker doesn’t function, so I can only rely on the ticking sounds and vibrations the CPU whirrs to reimagine a scene from the computer. Nevertheless, when I’m at school, I’m usually excited about what will I do when I get an access to a computer. Later in my life, I got exposed to my cousin’s computer, wherein I got the first taste of music coming from a speaker. I also had the privilege to play a lot more games, and that’s how I cemented my like towards strategy games. The fun while playing a game still buzzes inside my heart, so I sometimes act like a character from the game, playing pretend with scenes like being a warlock being commanded to destroy a building, or a spearman protecting his base. I can still remember the word “crazy” my cousin would associate me whenever I do roleplays by myself.

As time passes by, I got exposed to the internet cafes, my paradise. The distinct smell of sweat still lingers, as this is often the smell you can find even in today’s internet cafes. I was not exposed to the internet at that time, and I often spend my trusty ten peso coin for an hour time in the café playing single player games. I’m not an online gamer unlike almost every other gamer out there. When I went to my dad’s workplace, I stumbled upon the world of internet. Smashinggames.com was the Y3 or Y8 in my younger days. Well, until they blocked the gaming sites, in which shifted my attention temporarily to Powerpoint.

When I was 7, I started living with my grandparents from my mother’s side in South Cotabato, as my mother’s still studying Nursing at that time. Those days, banked with my knowledge from the games I played, spread my imagination to my playmates, who also willingly followed me. I remembered that my dad bought an MSI notebook laptop, and that laptop would be both a blessing and a curse when they’ll bring it to the province. “I could play the games again,” I thought, “but only if I let my other cousins play.” The laptop has sometimes become the center of petty arguments between me, my little brother, and my cousins, and for that, my parents decided that each of us should have 2 hours max each.

Then came my 11th year in this world, when I finally got to be with my Mom. At that time, my mom is preparing for the board exam. Once again, I and the trusty MSI has met once again. Now more powerful than ever, I discovered more vivid worlds and diversified my views with the games my dad acquired from his friends. Sadly, as the son of a struggling middle-class family, I live my gamer life pirating. That was the time Plants Vs. Zombies exploded, and that was the time I once again encountered the Internet. That was the era of the Facebook games, and socializing with other people on the net means more fictional currency for my farm in Farmville, my pet in Pet Society, and my restaurant in Restaurant City. It was also the era of the pocket WiFi, the decline of Friendster, and the time my parents diagnosed me as a “computer addict”. Being with computers has led me to a struggled life. I confess that I am addicted to games. I can’t help it, my brain seeks the adventure and thrill of playing a game, more than the mundane chores I need to do every day.

When I started my high school in Iligan, my mom bought an HP netbook laptop from her work abroad. And again, I had an access to more games due to Gamehouse, and this is the time I blossomed in the FB gaming scene due to temporary access to the net in the house during my school breaks. I was also exposed to “emulators”: PC applications that run a simulated console, so you can play a Gameboy game on a computer. During my third year, I got a permission on bringing the home laptop in Iligan, as that was also the time the Research subject is starting. With the delusion of “owning” a laptop, I ended up burying myself in games during the times I have an access to it. It was also the time I become aware of viruses, so I had to protect my laptop at any costs, but it failed. And during my fourth year, I slightly matured in using my laptop. That time, I also included music and movies on the laptop, and I also let my friends borrow it for a project.

My college started with the same HP laptop, now with a broken part on the side, and the unsolicited knowledge obtained during high school. As the laptop slowed down due to the virus and the PC’s limited capabilities, I grew more impatient working with it. With a single slam on it, the hardware, which is already the fourth time my dad replaced it, corrupts, bringing the laptop back to a blank slate. And then my dad decided to buy another laptop through my aunt in abroad. And it arrived in June 2016, an HP Notebook Laptop, with higher performance rating than the old one. Even though my dad is the owner, I was the one who personalized it, the same thing I did with his other computers. Due to its high performance, I can now afford to watch, download, and play what I cannot do on the netbook laptop. And with its high performance, I was able to play higher quality games. And with the Internet by my side, I can now read what I want to read, provided that the material is available in electronic format. This laptop, together with the Internet, has become the medium for me explore the deeper parts of myself, and the deeper part of reality.

Computers are one of the most powerful machines mankind has ever made. It lets people do tasks easier, but most of all, it lets some people become entertained due to games, music, videos, and other media. It is one of the most important multifunctional tools in the world. And I have handled a lot of computers. Each computer I held had a different purpose, and each helped me in more ways than one. From printing my assignments to entertainment purposes to researching. And so, computers have always been a part of me, and will always be. Through its screens, it has let me see new perspectives in life. The speakers comfort me when I’m sad through my playlists. By the keyboard, I can create something on a whim. Through the mouse, I can interact with the things inside it. As I am writing the last sentence of my essay, I can’t help but wonder, how a computer has become a part of me. From a simple game that I became hooked with to today writing an assignment, I wonder how more miles will the computer carry me to.