An Open Letter to the Ones Who Fight their Own Demons

Sorry for not understanding.
Sorry for being so naive.
Sorry for handling the situation wrong.
Sorry for avoiding instead of helping.
Sorry for everything I said.

First of all, I'm sorry.

I'm not apologizing to a specific person but to everyone.

To all of you who fight your own demons.

Why?

I feel ashamed. 

"Sorry for not understanding."

Thinking that depression is a silly thing.

Self-harming is just a phase.

And suicide is nothing but a stupid thought for cowards.

Yes, I have my own demons but I can handle them.

But I forgot that I'm different from everyone.

Not everyone can handle them the way I do.

Not everyone is like me.

"Sorry for being so naive."

Clueless yet judgmental to the situation.

Assuming that all is just an act for attention.

Believing that it's wrong and unreasonable.

Yes, I confess that I judge before I even hear the complete story.

Yes, I hate people who hurt themselves for no apparent reason.

And yes, I believed that taking your own life is a sin.

"Sorry for handling the situation wrong."

Unintentionally dragging you down without noticing.

Encouraging instead of discouraging.

Annoyed and enraged with the topic saying that it's nonsense.

I was so clueless. Careless with my words that may have hurt you.

Sorry for encouraging to cut your wrist thinking that you won't take me seriously.

Sorry for being so irrational towards a serious matter.

I hate myself for being a clueless and smart mouthed girl, always preaching about how I see the world beautifully ignoring the fact that we see the world different from another.

 Questioning what will you achieve in taking your own life and being enraged for the fact that suicide is a joke. 

"Sorry for avoiding instead of helping."

Uninterested and unsympathetic.

Ignoring even though it's right in front of me. 

Joking and not taking it seriously.

I know that you are suffering but I sit there and watch you crumble in front of me. Saying that it's not my problem to carry.

I saw you hold that blade but I kept quite and watch you bleed.

I snatched the blade away from you only to be mad and even joked of doing it in your neck instead of your wrist.

"Sorry for everything I said."

I admit.

I'm a horrible person before.

Unaware to everyone, selfish, insensitive and a very big jerk.

Now that I'm older, the way I saw the world changed.

I meet people who are amazing.

The ones whom I thought are living a perfect life are actually living in a perfect lie. 

I failed to understand everything before.

And I'm not going to do that again.

Now, I'm doing best to understand and be of help.

I listen to the ones who need to be heard.

I give advice to those who need it the most.

I learned to respect them and how they see thee world.

I stay even though I was asked to leave.

I understand it now.

I can't say that I fully do but I want to.

I want to save those who already gave up.

I want to make up for all of my mistakes.

Again, I apologize for the grave mistake that I made.

I changed my ways of living for the best.

"If I go and say 'I'm sorry' to the ones I hurt, would they forgive me?
Would you forgive a person like me?"