An open letter to those who scarred my trust.

You who have always been torn between wanting to open up and not wanting to be broken by betrayal anymore.
You who have always been at the brink of an existential crisis.
The one who has been doubted;
The one who has been falsely judged; and
The one who has always been left behind.
This is your story.

We have always wished things were different, don't we?
But we don't regret meeting people, for meeting new people makes us see how beautiful the world is.
Sometimes all we could just wish is that we should have left everything at "Hello".

A friendship that started in a blink of an eye eventually turned out to be a friendship that you have always dreamed of having.
A friendship that makes you feel like you are in the eye of the storm that no matter how chaotic outside seems to be, you can still feel calm.
A friendship that makes you think that you'll always have someone by your side; a shoulder to lean on; someone you can count on.

And then, you started opening up. Slowly you dropped your guards down. Hoping this time it would be different. Hoping this time it would be true.
And then you found yourself engaging a little more, knowing that this is going to be destructive but at the same time hoping that this could save you somehow.
And then a decade of vigil shattered into pieces; showing vulnerability in many ways possible. But still you feel safe, even if you know that feeling safe causes you greater harm; you still tried to hold on.
And then splashes of colors and hues started exploding, just like the galaxy that you are; exotic, vibrant, and breathtaking.
Because you are f*cking gold!

You insinuated yourself in almost every aspect of my life and then you waited, waited until the very last thread of my existence was wrapped around you.
You said I was the friend of your dreams, but I guess you decided to wake up and finally left.
The last piece of compassion was ripped out of my chest to bleed outside the protection of my being. Slowly gasping for air, dying little by little until there's no more.

And now, what have become of me?
You have made me this shell of a person.
A masochistic individual surrounded with an impregnable barrier built to restrict himself from trusting the wrong person over and over again.
Buried under fifty layers of snow; stone cold.
Because that's what happens when you place your vulnerability and trust to someone and they decided to throw it outside the window to shatter a little more.
And because loneliness is not an excuse to break someone else's heart.

You acted so naïve , but there's more to tell. Concealed with an identity that is used to mislead people and make them believe about your pseudo life.
For do we really know anyone?

But I have to thank you somehow. Not for betraying and pinning some shit on me and for almost killing the sanity that is left of me but because you have made me become a better person; independent, stronger, wiser, and bolder.
I am healing, I'm rediscovering myself, and I am starting over again. Not for anyone anymore, but for myself.

So for the next person who will try to break through my walls, pick up my jagged pieces, bleed a little but don't try to put my pieces back together. Instead, help me remember what it feels like to love and to trust without reservations once again for I might not remember it by myself.
I don't even know how long it will take until I'm ready to feel human again.

But I guess, in the end we will always learn how to heal.