Breathing; Still breathing

I'm living in a society where all you can do is to lock yourself in a dark room charge your phone, put some headphones and turn the music so loud you that you can't hear a single sound other than the music your listening to in other words your completely escaping the reality; escaping the reality , escaping the reality , escaping the reality. I was hoping that if i repeat those words over and over again i can utterly escape the inescapable but then it's called unescapable for a reason. You can't do anything because what society wants is what society gets. 

So here I am rotting in my old bed, smelling my sick odor, tossing and turning, thinking, thinking , always thinking about peter pan and neverland and if i get bored I don't sleep i listen; i listen to the voice inside my head screaming unfamiliar words, feeling them soul by soul and sometimes i let them out to see what an awful world we have and they said it's better to stay in my head, killing me slowly, crashing me little by little. With this in my head and society demanding that i can't be sick even though my body is to weak to handle anything, demanding that i can't rest even though i'm super tired , demanding that i can't do anything that what makes me happy just stick to the plan even though i'm dying to feel what is pure happiness. with all of that that i carry inside. IM STILL BREATHING ALIVE but DEAD INSIDE. 

And if you ask me if i'm fine? yes I'm fine. Fake words, fake smile. Hey don't blame me, society demands me to say that. it's ok really i can still handle this i just don't know until when.