'You know.' Bhash murmured, sneaking looks at the Geography teacher making sure she wasn't looking. She was teaching something I wasn't bothered about and I always had plenty of alone time to study, anyway.
'What?' I asked. Bhash held up a hand to stop me, rolled up a paper ball on which she'd written something, and hit it with perfect aim at Ben's head. When he looked around, confused and annoyed, he spotted us sitting together and he grinned. Bhash mouthed "pass it on". He nodded.
'What did you write?' I asked. She shook her head.
'What I'm about to tell ya.' She said, excitedly. 'Anyway. I was saying.: she continued eagerly. I let her, partly because I'd missed the way we hung out together and had fun and partly because, I finally wanted something good to happen. It wasn't always bullying we were up to, although I knew, Adriano would beg to differ. But it wasn't true. There was mischief too. Harmless pranks and laughter. These people weren't a that bad. They had just been left alone, or led away to a bad choice. Like me.
I grunted to let her know she should continue.
'So.' She whispered excitedly. 'We should totally have a party. Your place. What do you think?'
My place? I didn't think that was a good choice. They didn't know yet what I did, where I worked or how I lived. Not that they'd needed to know, of course. I tensed involuntarily. I didn't think it was a good idea at all.
'My place?' I repeated. She hadn't noticed the glint in my eye, I supposed. She nodded her head vigorously.
'Yeah.'
'What about Bens place.' I pressed. 'Or yours. Or any others?' She made a face.
'Come on Carla.' She said. 'You never let us in your house. Or have us meet your parents. We swear we won't harass them to death! And it's not like we're not careful or some thing.'
Too late, I thought bitterly, they're already gone.
I stared at her. She sighed, as she took the hint.
'No, it can't be at my house.' She sighed again. Then snorted. 'My parents think it's time I did some reflecting apparently. Unbelievable. They wouldn't let me. Downright threatened me. Said that if I didn't get parties the hell outta my mind, they'd throw me out. Well of course I didn't tell them about your houses. That would really get me thrown out.'
I couldn't help it. I snorted. Then she chuckled. Then we were laughing. Really.. The idea was so ludicrous, and so typically Bhash. She was even more blunt than me.
'Carla. Bethany. I want an essay on good behavior from both of you tomorrow. Three pages long. Now sit down or I'll have to send the both of you out.'
I couldn't fathom why a Geography teacher wanted an essay on discipline, but for once in my miserable life I did as I was told. Partly because I was being let off easy. I glanced at Ben, who was holding his sides and laughing silently, mockingly wiping off fake tears and gave him a glare. It a felt oddly familiar.
'So she said that it couldn't be at my house.' Bhash finished explaining to Ben. He laughed.
'Never thought your parents would protest.' Bhash just gave him a glum look of dejection.
'I did propose Carla's house. And I swore we'd be careful.' She replied earnestly.
'Don't trust anyone with my stuff. And i'm right here.' I muttered
Ben laughed, even though it wasn't very funny, and slung his arm across my shoulders. I gracefully stepped forward and smiled. None of us missed nothing even though it had all happened in a second.
'So what do you think? Where should we do it?' Bhash said, breaking the awkwardness.
Ben gave me a look, and I could have sworn it was one of pity. And something else I couldn't place.
'My place.' He finally said. Let's not harass Carla just yet.'
I could feel grateful, I could. But I had the nagging feeling that it wasn't an act of pity,not that I needed it, but a warning. It felt like he was warning me.
He could stay the hell away from my life anyway.
But he's your friend. Well... I could think about that later.
We headed towards the Lunch Room. I suddenly remembered that I had my money in my bag. Which was in my locker, so we took a detour and when I was just nearing to my locker, I saw him again. Adriano.
That guy couldn't just leave me alone could he? He was leaning right on my locker, and acting as if he owned it. Was it Fate? Or was it just pure coincidence? Except that, the look he was giving me suggested otherwise. He wanted to talk to me. He nodded in my direction.
'A word?' He asked, his tone hinting that asking was just a formality. My hands suddenly itched to break something. Anything.
'No.' Ben growled. Adriano raised an eyebrow at me. He was letting me decide, as if he knew that I didn't like people speaking for me. But it was true, I was that type of girl.
'I believe she can take her own decisions. Clearly I was mistaken.' Adriano said, sarcastically. 'How silly of me.'
He was goading me. That son of a-... I stopped myself. It was working after all, and I hated it when people predicted my movements. I calmed down, took a breath. Ben looked like he was going to be murder him in the spot. I would oblige him, if it wasn't urgent. Which, I had a feeling, it was.
'Actually.' I said cleanly cutting Ben, who was about to say something. 'I do want to speak to him. I'll be there in a minute. Why don't you guys go ahead and save me a seat?'
Ben looked at me suspiciously, but Bhash, being the amazing person she was, took Ben's arms as if it was second nature and beautifully maneuvered him away. I'd have to thank her later.
'What?' I asked him then, turning in his direction. 'And move away from my locker, you idiot.'
He smirked. I didn't wait after that, I simply shoved him aside and opened my locker with incessant force, almost taking the poor door out of its hinges.
'So?' I demanded.
'That's a lot of force for a girl.' He idly commented. Ugh. Why was I talking to him right now? Oh yeah, because my instincts were screaming at me to. I ignored him, looking for the money in my bag.
'What?' I repeated.
'I believe we had a deal?'
Deal? And then it hit me. That's why he wanted to talk to me. Maybe a pathetic part of me had wanted otherwise. But I still needed revenge. I had too much pent up anger in me.
'So?'
'So it means that we have to find out who it was. Duh.'
His tone was really getting on my nerve. Why did he have to make it so hard to talk to him? Except, A small part of me sang, you did the same thing. But that didn't mean I had to acknowledge it.
Where was the thing you needed when you needed it right then? Stupid money. I don't know why I left it so deep down in my bag. Wasn't like anyone would dare to steal from me.
'I know.' I said, through gritted teeth. Then a part of me lit up. There it was! I grabbed the money and slammed the locker door. The noise skittered off the walls making me inwardly cringe. A small part of me wondered how the others saw me. Dangerous. Violent. A bully.
Well except Ben and Bhash. And him.
'You're gonna hurl up fire now.' He said, casually and I lost it. Right then, I didn't really care.
I slammed my body to his and pushed him towards the wall, pressing my elbow to his gut and the other hand to his neck, locking him. He looked at me. Even then it was calm, his face. I didn't know why, but it incensed me further.
He was supposed to be angry. Not calm and composed. I was dangerous for Gods sake! I could hurt him! Didn't he have any regard for his life.
'Shut up.' I growled. He still stared at me. It was getting unnerving. What was he doing?
The words Bully echoed again and again but I pushed those thoughts away. Even if it ripped at me. I'd let my guard down once and this is where it had led me. I wasn't going to let that happen again.
But then in a swift movement he had me pressed against the wall in the same position I had him in. Fury ripped at me and I struggled but he held me there. He still had that calm expression. Somewhere in me I was starting to get scared.
Shut up Carla, I said to myself, you're not the one who gets intimidated!
But then the screams came.....
Let me go! Please!
I'm going to hurt you.
Please. What have I done? Amy please. Mother wouldn't have-
Shut up you piece of dirt! Mother died and left us this way. Now bear with it.
'Let me go.' This time my voice was firmer. Yes, I wanted to sag, but I was stronger. Wasn't I? Hadn't I made myself strong? Somehow, I knew that was a lie. I would always be weak. And he'd bought the memories right back.
But before I could say another word, he let go of me, and I immediately started breathing. I'd never even noticed it'd made me claustrophobic.
'You're claustrophobic.' He said matter-of-factly. Of course I was. The idiot.
I managed a nod. I was leaning against the wall. My hands were on my knees. My head was down. It was all portraying weakness. How could I have let his happen? How had he made this happen?
'This tell tale is from our grade.' He said he sounded angry for some reason. No frustrated. Well, it didn't matter.
But the words got my attention. Even though I was grateful for him to not embarrass me farther by talking to me about my problem. Problems. I wasn't just claustrophobic. I was an insomniac too. Which meant the horrors went deeper for me.
'And?' I asked.
'And we could check the CCTV. I'm a prefect. They'd let me. I don't like getting outdone as much as you.'
'We're nothing alike.' I scoffed even as my heart mocked me at this. He was probably the most closest I'd gotten to someone. The most alike to me. But that was a mystery I never proposed to find out. Best kept secret. I was a mess.
'That remains to be seen.' He said. But he wasn't teasing me. Strange.
'I'll get going now.' I said. Why did I bother anyway. The real Carla would have just left without saying anything. But as days went by, I felt more and more unlike my own self. Maybe I was just breaking apart faster. Maybe I was doing it slow earlier. Maybe. I hated that word. I hated uncertainties.
As I was walking past him, he gripped my wrist. I struggled to let go,it he as looking at me with a conflicted emotion. Like frustration and something else I couldn't place. Almost as if he was trying to understand me. Well good luck. I thought. And no thanks.
'I-' he started. Then shook his head. I waited. Patience wasn't something I did everyday but at least he'd gotten me to stop struggling.
'There's anger inside you.' he said softly. 'And I don't think it being pent up is fine.' I didn't it seemed as if he was asking me. 'You need to learn to let it go. But let me tell you this. Bullying isn't the solution.'
I struggled again and this time he let me go. But I didn't walk away just yet.
'So what do you want me to do?' I laughed. I was getting hysterical. It wasn't a good sign. 'Stay at home. Beat myself up?'
'No.' He shook his head again. 'I don't want you to do anything. I want you to choose how let it go. But in the right way.'
'What makes you think I'd do any of that?'
'Because that is what you should do.' He sighed. He started walking away.
I felt like I should say something. I didn't know why. But I had to. Or else I would end up regretting it. So why not say it and then regret it?
'There's a party at Bens house.' I blurted. 'The whole schools invited.'
He stopped in his tracks and looked back at me. There was absolutely no humor in his face. Only that rough emotion.
'What makes you think I'd go?' He asked.
I didn't answer. He sighed. Then turned around.
'Find yourself a way. You're still capable of being saved. You're still not what you think you are. There are worse people out there.'
Then he was walking away. Then gone.
You're still not what you think you are. How would he know? It's not like he knew what I was going though. Or what I'd been through for that matter.
Worse people.
But maybe he did know and wasn't opening up like me. Didn't want to.
For a long time I stood in that corridor and blanked out. I missed lunch but I didn't really care. I could explain to Bhash later why i was going home. She'd explain to Ben.
I don't know why I was hoping. It wasn't like I was like I much of a party person. I just went to them to escape the silence of my house.
I'd made a mistake again anyway.
It wasn't as if he was going to come to the party.
©AkshayaGadre