Sometimes I feel like I'm forgetting you
While I'm sitting on my bed doing nothing at all
In reality I'm struggling everyday to call you
Yet in between us, it gets easier to remember the walls
Every moment I'm punishing myself in my head
Butt the next second I'm more invested in nonsense
They keep telling me that I'm growing distant
But I'm a loser who keeps referring to you in past tense
It isn't like I don't love you, that isn't bluffing
I do, I do, and I know it deep down on the inside
I don't know how every time it comes off as wrong
And I know how hard it gets to let it just slide
I am not faking it, I am real and I mean it all the time
And I remember every single moment we had
What I just can't imagine, is our faces together
It shouldn't just hurt you, it also makes me mad
Every moment that I spend convincing myself
That our relationship was always so strong
You saw me everyday, you practically raised me
Then I keep wondering, where it all went wrong
I'm scolded everyday, that I just forgot you
And when I try to call you, it actually feels forced
Then I think, it should be real, I can't force myself
But I don't don't even do that, it'll only get worse
I'm sorry, and I know that sorry doesn't cover it
The moments I could have spent instead with you
Our love only exits now in age old photographs
The real instances we share somehow less than few
When I sit down finally to think- really think
I try to recall every minute feature of your face
Where once I could have counted every wrinkle
Remembering the color of your eyes gets me lost in a daze
I'm not sure of the gap between us anymore
Even though I know you, it's like I can't come closer
I don't owe if it's the time away or the walls in my head
Because I feel the same way with me too-like I don't even know her
.
Remember that I know it's my fault. And I don't want to give up. I still want to mend us and maybe you don't even realize it, but I do. And I blame myself for it because there's nothing wrong with you at all. Never was. Never will be.
©AkshayaGadre