Closure... or Not.

Thank you for having the courage to finally open up about what you really feel. I finally have answers to some of the questions I have in mind. It somehow made me at peace with our past, but to be honest, it also gave me more doubts.

There's a fine line between love and longing. Don't you think you're just a little confused?

Maybe you're just lonely, and you cannot find the comfort and the affection you need with the person you are with now. Maybe you're just fed up with your problems at home and you want an escape. Or maybe, you're just frustrated for failing, and you want to be with somebody who's proud of you no matter what. So you come back to me.

I'm sorry for doubting you now. I'm sorry if I'm finding it hard to believe and trust you again. But please understand. We've lost enough time, I can't just jump right back into our relationship without thinking.

But believe me when I say that it is still you, and it will only be you. Some tried, and I will not deny it. They made me happy for a while. They made me feel special again. They made me feel lovable again. And they helped me realize that I am not my mistakes. And for that I am grateful. But I cannot give them what they want. All I could offer them is friendship, something that is purely platonic.

I love you truly and deeply. I love you with so much passion. You own my heart. And nobody could ever overthrow you. I don't want to fall in love that way again with somebody else. And I don't think I'm capable of loving someone else the same way I loved you.

It will always be you. I don't have to say it over and over again. And the truth is, I will always choose you. But the sad part is I will not be the one who gets to choose and decide. It's you.

I never want to get hurt again. But if I would be taking the risk with you, you know I would gladly do so. Loving you isn't enough tho. Yes, my heart is overwhelmed to know that you still love me. But do you want me back in your life? I need the assurance. Stop giving me false hope. Let me keep my peace. Because again, there's thin line between loving and wanting.

Love is never selfish. And if being with you now means taking you away from her and hurting her, I wouldn't want that. It is true that I would like to tell you to just leave her and be with me. But I am not that cruel. And love never works that way.

She loves you, and you love her - maybe not completely, but you do. And if ever you find a way to.make it work between the two of you, I'd try to be happy. I'd just continue loving you from a distance, and accept my loss.

This isn't goodbye, because I never want to say goodbye. I am tired of pretending and denying. This is me telling you that for now, I'd be hoping, and I'd be waiting. I'd keep my distance as I painfully and patiently watch you spend your life with somebody else. And if our time never comes, don't feel bad for me, because at least once in my life, I had you.