the consequences of being late

We are victims of the unfated entanglement of our paths. We met against our destined appointments and maybe that's the reason why we loved each other in different times. We are a mistake.

     I could still remember how you confessed to me during that cold summer night , the exact first year and sixth month of our friendship when i came an hour late for a drink to what we have been through. The feeling is still fresh as if it was just yesterday, how you hesitantly told me you love me, while in response, i directly told you that i don't feel the same. Well, after another year , after being under the same constellations with you, after seeing you suffer under an unreciprocated love , after you sent me letters every week for  5 months , before you stopped writing , i knew i learned to love you. I also knew that you learned to finally unlove me and that's the reason why i haven't confessed to you yet. I have already seen in you the things i am going to feel, so how am i supposed to confess? You gave me a hint of the pain i might feel.

     But for the sake of the oath of honesty we took, let me say,
" I love you too— and more", even though you no longer.

     At least, we experienced how it feels to love each other
and felt the rarest type of love of all.

    If you ever wonder if I blame you because you were the first to cross the boundary, the answer is I don't. I couldn't blame you and either myself. Blaming someone who doesn't love you back is the dumbest thing i can think of, for we all know that we cannot control our innermost. The only time we can blame someone is when he stays given that he knew the love has already faded, that it isn't there anymore. The only time we can blame ourselves is when we stay even though it always hurts, even though we knew we are heavily suffering. I hope this is an enough reason as to why i gradually stepped away.

     Some get cold because they are falling out of love , while some do because they fear to fall deeper.

      I guess , we are somewhat even now.

     We loved each other , yes.

     It just hurts me more knowing that i am the last to suffer.

I am sorry , that even on loving back someone , i was late again.